I’ve been married a long time. The secret is that I never make any decisions. But even with that half the time I still get blamed when something fucks up
LOL. Can’t tell you how many times I sat there shaking my head as yet again I am blamed for something that I explicitly said I don’t care about. And you decide because I have no opinion.
Could it be because decision making is hard and you end up telling your partner that you a) don’t care about what they care about b) leave them hanging when they might need help to decide c) they end up having decision fatigue because you don’t have an opinion? Sometimes, a consultation or just a talk about something one tries to make a decision on feels good, doing it all by yourself sucks.
Let’s say you don’t care what hotel she books. She ends up doing all the research on hotels. Presents you with it, pros and cons. You still say you don’t care. Ok, so now the burden of choice is solely on her. You guys arrive, the hotel sucks. Can’t you see that this is frustrating in a different way than if the two of you decided on the hotel together?
Your example ends with the man realizing that he actually did care about the hotel when in reality he would have probably said something like “oh well, we’re only going to be here a few hours and we’ll be unconscious for most of them”. That is what it means when someone says they don’t care. They’re not hiding their true feelings from you just to be annoying.
If you are tired of making decisions tell the other person to book the hotel. Most laid back people will be fine with that. Just don’t complain if that ends with you not getting what you wanted.
I have actually thought it might be misinterpreted because it’s vague in that sentence - no, I don’t mean that the guy thinks the hotel sucks. He still doesn’t care. But his wife thinks it sucks and she is solely responsible for her choice. In a partnership.
Most likely, when confronted with her dislike, he would not be comforting her like “honey, it’s ok, you picked a nice hotel, I don’t think it’s bad at all”, but just be like “look, it doesn’t matter, we’ll just sleep here”. Basically invalidating her feelings and experiences.
The point I am trying to make is: if you are in a committed relationship you sometimes have to care, have an opinion, help with decisions, even if it was something that you usually don’t care about. But saying “I don’t care about the outcome of something that you care about” is definitely neither kind nor loving and devastating in the long run.
Your example ends with her upset, with nobody to blame but herself and nobody to commiserate with, while her husband is taking it easy and refusing to empathise.
Being content despite less than ideal circumstances is not a character flaw. Deferring to a partner with stronger preferences is not laziness. Stop conflating actions you don’t understand with bad behavior.
I’ve been married a long time. The secret is that I never make any decisions. But even with that half the time I still get blamed when something fucks up
I got blamed for a hair that was found in food. I’m bald. 😬😬😬
Yeah, but are you bald everywhere? (Sorry)
LOL. Not bald but my hair is black and her’s is blonde. But a few times a stray blonde hair was found and of course it was mine.
only half the time? You are married for less than 25 years!
lol wife bad AMIRITE GUISE???
Who teach the boomers about lemmy?
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LOL. Can’t tell you how many times I sat there shaking my head as yet again I am blamed for something that I explicitly said I don’t care about. And you decide because I have no opinion.
Could it be because decision making is hard and you end up telling your partner that you a) don’t care about what they care about b) leave them hanging when they might need help to decide c) they end up having decision fatigue because you don’t have an opinion? Sometimes, a consultation or just a talk about something one tries to make a decision on feels good, doing it all by yourself sucks.
Let’s say you don’t care what hotel she books. She ends up doing all the research on hotels. Presents you with it, pros and cons. You still say you don’t care. Ok, so now the burden of choice is solely on her. You guys arrive, the hotel sucks. Can’t you see that this is frustrating in a different way than if the two of you decided on the hotel together?
Your example ends with the man realizing that he actually did care about the hotel when in reality he would have probably said something like “oh well, we’re only going to be here a few hours and we’ll be unconscious for most of them”. That is what it means when someone says they don’t care. They’re not hiding their true feelings from you just to be annoying.
If you are tired of making decisions tell the other person to book the hotel. Most laid back people will be fine with that. Just don’t complain if that ends with you not getting what you wanted.
I have actually thought it might be misinterpreted because it’s vague in that sentence - no, I don’t mean that the guy thinks the hotel sucks. He still doesn’t care. But his wife thinks it sucks and she is solely responsible for her choice. In a partnership.
Most likely, when confronted with her dislike, he would not be comforting her like “honey, it’s ok, you picked a nice hotel, I don’t think it’s bad at all”, but just be like “look, it doesn’t matter, we’ll just sleep here”. Basically invalidating her feelings and experiences.
The point I am trying to make is: if you are in a committed relationship you sometimes have to care, have an opinion, help with decisions, even if it was something that you usually don’t care about. But saying “I don’t care about the outcome of something that you care about” is definitely neither kind nor loving and devastating in the long run.
Your example ends with her upset, with nobody to blame but herself and nobody to commiserate with, while her husband is taking it easy and refusing to empathise.
Being content despite less than ideal circumstances is not a character flaw. Deferring to a partner with stronger preferences is not laziness. Stop conflating actions you don’t understand with bad behavior.
Indeed. If you’re fussy, you decide. Still want me to decide, sure, but I am going to ignore complaints.
At home we agreed everything is always my fault, even if it is clearly not. It just is, akqays.
That gives me the freedom to not worry since the outcome is always expected to be the same ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
Seems to work well enough. We are together 5+ years and life is pretty chill.