Am I wrong for still thinking about this after 52 days of NC
Some days i feel good but why can’t my mind accept that he was keeping me as a backup while telling me he loved me? Was i really that bad to deserve being treated like a second option? I genuinely loved him. What can i do now? Those memories of him talking to someone else feel like a cage i can’t escape.
I can’t accept that his cheating was his fault…Why do i still blame myself and feel like i wasn’t enough…
Why cant i stop questioning my worth…
Does NC in this context mean “no contact”, as in 52 days post breakup? I don’t know how long you were seeing each other, but still feeling hurt after 52 days post being cheated on, is completely healthy and understandable. It is a horrible experience that can easily take a toll on your confidence, at minimum. Hell, a ordinary, healthy breakup can do that to people. Breakups leaves scars, it breaks people. It is horrible and gruesome.
There is however nothing anyone can offer you that will make this go away, no matter much they would want to. The boring answer is to be kind to yourself, do not fall for the idea to contact them - ever again, and let time do its thing. I know it sucks to hear, and you probably heard it a lot by now from others by now, and you’re already done with the first 50 days too (great job!).
I’ve spent the last 7 years missing my ex, and honestly I still do, but it isn’t even remotely comparable to how I dealt with the first two years. The hurt you feel at day 52, will hurt less on day 365, on day 1095 you might find yourself thinking about it less and less, until you one day are ready to move on.
And in the meantime, do what ever you need to in order to keep your head above water, one day at a time.
Edit: I just read some of your post history and I read about the breakup and that your ex asked ChatGPT “how to impress girls”… I think that you will hopefully look back on this and ask yourself why the fuck you wasted your time on such a selfish little boy. Perhaps you’re young, and that doesn’t take the hurt away, but it means that you’ll hopefully have an easier way to deal with this experience in a couple of years.
Yes, nc means no contact, and it’s been 52 days since the breakup. and honestly, the part about my ex asking chatgpt how to impress other girls is true. it still hurts to think about, but i guess one day i’ll look back and wonder why i wasted so much time on someone who treated me that way. thank you for taking the time to read my story and offer your advice. i really appreciate it. btw, you’re right, i am young, and i guess i still have so much to experience and learn.
Some guys might treat it like that, but love is not the stock market where you trade value. You might be the most amazing person in the world and someone you fancy still might not love you one bit. And you might be the biggest piece of shit and someone might still fall for you. In the end you can’t rationally explain why you love one person over another, even if many delude themselves into thinking they can and make up post hoc reasons. Love is a very irrational domain largely outside your control, so trying to rationalize it and turn it into some judgement about your character traits will bring you zero insights, but a lot of misery.
It sounds like you made him your identity. It’s time to build a new identity that isn’t dependent on anyone else.
Was this the reason he cheated on me? He was the one who kept telling me he loved me while secretly talking to other girls behind my back…
No, he cheated on you because he’s a deceitful piece of shit. Look at it as him doing you a favor… you didn’t have to spend longer with him before finding out he’s a low-life.
No. Absolutely not.
His choices are not your fault; those are his, and his alone.
Now, maybe you made some mistakes. But! Maybe you did everything right. Really. I’m not kidding.
Breakups suck because it’s like an involuntary suicide pact, in a way. The point is, you’re grieving, and that’s perfectly normal. And there’s no easy, simple way to fix this. Unfortunately, time does not heal all wounds. But time does create distance, and that distance can help dull the pain. At least enough you will be able to start thinking about this in a more rational, less emotional way.
I wish you better days, and may they come sooner rather than later! You sound like you have lots of love to give, but please remember to give some of that love to yourself - you deserve it.
Thank you so much🥺🫂
At some point you need to get over it and focus on your future. It’s perfectly normal to have feelings and questions… But you can’t keep being stuck and caught up in some past which didn’t work out.
You can’t change what happened 2 months ago. But today is today, and you’re in control. You can choose what you’re going to do today and whether that’s good enough for your own liking.