This has been on my mind lately. My dad is going through it, his sister has got it pretty bad and I apparently have the predisposed gene to get in my future.

I’m leaning no because I wouldn’t want to make my child go through slowly watching their dad’s mind leave them and also potentially pass it on to them when they get older.

It’s thrown me for a loop since I always imagined myself having kids and I’m around that age now.

What do you think?

Edit: I just want to say that I did not expect the kind of response this post got. I’m grateful for all of your comments and the perspectives it’s allowed me to peak into.

I also should mention that were I to have children they would most certainly not be burdened by being the crutch of my own personal journey of accepting and loving who I am. That is work for me alone and I would never unload that responsibility onto those I love and especially those who I’d be raising.

As for my partner not wanting kids, I would never consider forcing or persuading them to raise a child when they know for certain it’s not in their cards. This is another element in how I’ve been navigating this question. I love her with everything I have and I can’t imagine us being apart and yet there is a pang that lingers of the father I assumed I would eventually become.

Anyway, thanks again for your thoughtful replies. They’ve helped so much especially since this is the first time I’ve voiced these thoughts.

  • robotrash@lemmy.robotra.shEnglish
    6012·
    2 years ago

    If you want kids you should have them. You can let fear of the ifs keep you from doing that. I say this being generally opposed to children as well lol

    • richieadler 🇦🇷@lemmy.myserv.oneEnglish
      61·
      2 years ago

      I’d you want kids you should think carefully if you’re ready to raise them as better persons than you and to work for a better world that the one they received before you have them

      FTFY

  • NoughtE@lemmy.world
    231·
    2 years ago

    I have strictly instructed my family, including my wife, that if I ever develop alzheimers I want to be euthanized. If I am sufficiently lucid at the point of diagnosis I will have no problem overdosing on something and going out in peace.

    • Mog_fanatic@lemmy.world
      4·
      2 years ago

      I’ve come up with the idea of an annual test of basic facts and current events (very basic). Once I get to the point where I can’t pass this test with flying colors, off me and launch my corpse into the ocean via trebuchet plz. Game over. Not interested in seeing where the rest of that ride goes. Seen it many times before with family members and I don’t like it.

      • blady_blah@lemmy.world
        3·
        2 years ago

        Problem is there’s a catch 22. If you’re not lucid enough to answer those questions, you’re not lucid enough side whether you live or die from a legal standpoint.

        Every law I know that allows euthanasia requires that the person have a terminal illness and enough mental faculties to make the decision. You run the risk of a loved one getting tried for murder if you ask them to give you the drugs and you are not competent to make the decision yourself.

  • bobaduk@lemmy.world
    162·
    2 years ago

    From your other replies it seems like you’re unsure you want kids in any case, but if you do there’s a simple thought experiment here: do you wish your father hadn’t had you? If not, it’s reasonable to think your children would be just as grateful to be alive as you are, sick dad or not.

    • Enma Ai@lemmy.world
      93·
      2 years ago

      The positive for experiences dont equal out the negative experiences though. Negative experiences weigh more

  • Mog_fanatic@lemmy.world
    11·
    2 years ago

    This is the main reason I have not had children. I am almost 100% guaranteed to get Alzheimer’s in the pretty near future. Having watched countless of my family members go through the absolutely heart wrenching process of Alzheimer’s progression, I can’t in good conscience have children (so far anyway, I’m not 100% on it) for two reasons:

    • I don’t want to put them through the grueling process of caring for, and dealing with someone dying from Alzheimer’s

    • While it’s not guaranteed obviously, I don’t want to doom a child to a very very good chance of getting Alzheimer’s at some point in their lives.

    There is of course a chance for a treatment to be developed but they’ve been saying that for decades and haven’t really come up with much of anything so far.

  • MNByChoice@midwest.social
    102·
    2 years ago

    How inheritable is it (50-50%)? How certain is that fate? How old are you?

    I would not count it as an absolute no. 65 years of life is better than many get, and everyone has something bad in their genetics.

    Also, you seem to care and that is rare. As you care, that is a plus for you raising someone. Maybe not your generic kids, but someone.

  • regalia@literature.cafe
    81·
    2 years ago

    Definitely. They’ll be able to survive without me at that age and I’ll have my genes carry on. Not like they’ll last long with climate change anyways.

  • JoBo@feddit.uk
    92·
    2 years ago

    I have a friend who suffers from severe depression, inherited from his parents, and he definitely blames them for deciding to have kids when he feels they should have known what hell he would suffer for it.

    But this is completely different. You have plenty of time to raise your kids before it affects you, if it ever does. If they inherit the predisposition, they have plenty of time to lead amazing lives before it strikes. It’s a miserable thing that may or may not happen towards the end of life but we all have to deal with miserable things.

    You can’t live your life in a way that avoids all of those miserable things. I have another friend who spends a quite unreasonable amount of mental energy trying to avoid bad consequences and it is honestly ridiculous how many much worse things that happen as a result.

    That said, you say elsewhere that your partner does not want kids. You have to decide whether the relationship is strong enough to accept that. Are you looking for reasons why you should feel happy about it? Do you have a burning desire for children or is it just something that you assumed would happen because that’s how it works for most people?

    Big decisions to make. But none of them have a whole lot to do with Alzheimer’s. If you do have kids, and you treat them well, they’re going to be devastated no matter when you die, or what kills you. That’s not a reason to deny them, or you, the joy that makes it so devastating. Grief is the price we pay for love.

    Parental love might or might not be something you want or need in your life. That’s a question only you can answer.

    • cygnus_velum@lemmy.worldOP
      2·
      2 years ago

      Thank you for this. Yes, that’s part of question for me. Does always imagining having them mean I really want them?

      I also think one of the things I fear about not having kids is the work it will take to really accept and love myself. I feel like kids can substitute that kind of work in a lot of people. Without them though I’m really faced with myself.

      • Foreigner@kbin.social
        4·
        2 years ago

        That’s a really heavy burden to place on a child. Sure when they’re really young you’ll be the centre of their universe. A superhero that can do no wrong. But eventually they will grow up, and become their own people. That process often involves outright rejecting you and being really hurtful. If you have a fragile sense of self I’m not sure raising teenagers will make you feel any better, they can be godamn mean.

        Also your kids should NEVER be responsible for your mental health and self esteem. It’s incredibly unhealthy and you will likely end up raising broken adults because of it. Honestly, save yourself and your potential future chlldren the trauma and heartache and do the work it takes to deal with your issues. It will be hard, but believe me it’s a piece of cake compared to the pain you’d be setting yourself up for later.

      • paysrenttobirds@sh.itjust.works
        2·
        2 years ago

        Oh my gosh, I truly appreciate your post and it has made me think about my grandma, etc, but I have to comment here as a mom of grown children: children take a very personal passion and work that can at times be super affirming, but being a parent WILL NOT help you accept and love yourself!!!

        The pitfalls are the same as in any meaningful effort and the importance will magnify the failures as much or more than the successes.

  • adrianmalacoda@lemmy.ml
    71·
    2 years ago

    I don’t want to have children, but if I knew I was going to get Alzheimer’s at 65 I would plan to leave this world at 64.

    • PeWu@lemmy.ml
      21·
      2 years ago

      I wouldn’t even be alive to this age, much more having kids