I was out with my friends once in my early twenties, drunk at the limit between “flying high on wings of booze” and “incoherent mass of sick and confusion.”
There was this girl who kept catching my eye every time I saw her out and about, and this time she happened to be at the same dive as us. I finally decided to try talking to her, so I kinda’ awkwardly accosted her at the bar and I think I started pulling my “over-the-top intellectual” bit for a laugh.
Somehow, it worked! We kept chatting (she was buzzed but significantly more sober than I was), we kept laughing, then she asked me to accompany her on an ATM trip after a while. Now, I’d completely lost my capacity for reading between the lines at this point, so I just took it as a generic action. About midway through the trip, she started pulling in very close to me, my current guess being that she had intended to try smooching. My drunk brain thought “oh, she must be feeling the drag, we need to keep her blood pumping.” So I called a race, last one to the ATM is a rotten egg.
Again, surprisingly, she was into it! I could hear her giggling as I was pulling away. I was running like a madman, I could feel my legs moving by themselves. I was a beast, a high-performance machine, a force of nature! Almost started congratulating myself for being such an irresistible hunk, when suddenly I could feel the curb grabbing my left foot. I plunged forward, but luckily my stage fighting reflexes kicked in and I completely unexpectedly started doing landing rolls. I literally rolled the rest of the way to the ATM - about 4-5 meters, not kidding, I’d picked up some serious speed while galloping like a horse on coke. She won and was laughing her ass off, the alcohol inside me had been angered and my brain was oatmeal.
I don’t remember many details after that. What I will say, though, is that it worked! Also, that I never again tried wooing or racing anyone while drunk.
This is what I visit Lemmy for
Ah, I remember being this age. Thanks for the story, it took me to a really special place.
Well how’d it work out after that
Woke up at hers with a splitting headache and profound nausea (nothing happened, because obviously nothing would happen, I was as close to Wasted as possible), after that things didn’t really go anywhere. Nothing dramatic, she was lovely, we just didn’t match.
Unexpectedly sweet? I kept waiting for it to turn bad and it never did. Cute!
So the curb (being a metaphor for mankind) caught your leg (a metaphor for the undertaker), and plunged you towards an ATM (colloquially referred to as “an announcers table” in some circles). A bit cryptic but I got it.
I was waiting for this to be a setup and you get mugged to withdraw from your ATM. Glad it turned out better lol.
You’re already messaging them. Why must you need to message them on Snapchat?
To send nudes
Send them through the imessage then. At least it’s kind of e2ee if both sides set them up correctly
Never gets old
This is Josh angel. I dead least night, did you ever luv him or do u only like demons
Putting on big muscles is for the boys, real girls don’t actually like it.
Plus of course if you don’t put on stupid amounts of muscle you retain the ability to scratch your own nose. Seriously some of the guys at the gym, watching them try their names is a site to behold. The ideal body shape is not the Hulk
I don’t know what real means anymore
In this case real means not emotionally stunted.
How depressing
Same with beards. You’ll get a lot of attention with a nice beard, but not many girls perse
Beards are for for your wife, not for meeting girls.
Married men know what I’m talking about.
I will say as a trans chick who used to have a denial beard, women did love it, but that’s because I conditioned it. I got so many comments about how they wished more beards were that soft.
Mind you, I also followed rules 1 and 2
Mind you, I also followed rules 1 and 2
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A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
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A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
?
Rule 1: be attractive Rule 2: don’t be unattractive
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That was also my experience, I grew my beard a couple of time, just to see how long it goes and also laziness. I never cared with specific beard products or trimming it and stuff. I washed it with the same head&shoulders I use for my hair. In my country is normal to greet with a kiss in the cheeks so it was a somewhat common occurrence that a woman would feel and comment how soft it was. But that was it, they are impressed by the softness not the looks of how long it was, this was only guys, guys were impressed by the size of the bears and all. That is not to say that woman necessarily prefer shaved face, in my experience mostly (in my country that is) prefer a trimmed beard. I guess it is more mature or mainly. My now wife certainly preferred me to just trim down the beard instead of shaving it.
That’s fair. And the fact that I was following rules 1&2 probably explains the rest, because wow you would not believe how blatantly people can hit on you without you noticing when you hate your appearance
What is the rules 1&2 ?
But yeah, that tracks, I guess is the opposite end of confident people that will think that others are into them why would they not be? When we don’t think much of ourselves we more likely assume that a compliment or even someone hitting on you is just someone being nice, they “obviously” would not be into me.
Rule 1: be attractive Rule 2: don’t be unattractive
And yeah, developing confidence did wonders
Amen, same with watches
Can confirm. I’ve gotten exactly one comment from a woman about my physique a couple years ago. I get comments from dudes fairly often. I do still think about what the woman said to me like all the time though.
Wow! Way to just trivialize the appreciation from the homies!
But yeah, they probably know and understand what you went through for your build much more than others. Or are simply less intimidated.
When I was like 10 I remember reading advice in a body building magazine that has stuck with me ever since:
“Don’t try to pick up girls, literally or figuratively, at the gym. Women don’t feel sexy when they’re sweating unless they’re already naked.”
ask them to undress before starting the workout.
got it.
And every time I mention the fact that there are no places anymore acceptable to ask a woman out besides the bar (not much of a drinker, also not abstinent) or online (I don’t even social media):
Some dickhead: Just get a hobby bro, go to the gym!
no.
I never tried to impress women at the gym when I was single. I go to the gym to focus on self improvement. I do not like talking to other people when I’m there. I do not like looking at other people when I’m there. I also know that women at the gym mostly loathe men trying to pick them up there. So basically if you’re at the gym you’re a dude to me. And if you’re a dude don’t talk to me.
Confirmation that the term dude means men as well as women
I’ve always used dude as a gender neutral term. I call my wife dude.
I only fuck dudes
Hell yeah dude
You only fuck Cruxifux’s wife?
Me too.
At least someone does
Same hahahaha
Always did. Dude just means “city folk.” Hence the Dude Ranches that were popular in the early to mid 20th century
Dude ranch means city folk ranch?
Basically. It’s where city folk would go to “learn” how to “wrangle” a
higly trained“wild stallion,” and milk cows and see where their eggs come from.
Removed by mod
In high school I had a crush on this girl who had something on her Facebook about really liking gummy worms. I read that, thought “this is my in” so I bought a bag of gummy worms. Honestly, not a bad plan. Next time I saw her, I pulled out my bag of gummy worms and ate a couple.
Did I offer her a gummy worm? No. I was under the impression that she’d see me eating them and say “hey, you like gummy worms too?” And then we’d start chatting and [something] and then we’d start going out.
And theeeeennnn…?
He developed a gummy worm addiction and became morbidly obese, leaving the work force and receiving a disability pension.
Nature is fine with failure, it is expected.
It is, and then you die slowly in a ditch in terrible pain.
All natural.
We continued to be friendly acquaintances because I never actually made a move 🤷♂️
Awwww damn…
I went through my girlfrriend’s cashier lane at the grocery store for 3 years before fingering out how to get her number without not being just another dick rolling through when she has an endless supply to choose from. Turned out she had been waiting the entire time for something to happen
And everyone tells me I’d be an asshole for asking a girl out while she’s at work. Well don’t keep us in suspense man, story time.
That’s why you follow her when she leaves work and ask her out on the way home. She’s not at work then so it’s okay.
Lmao sound advice, can’t argue against it.
Well, clearly it wouldn’t work. You should instead act like you hate gummy worms and give them to her to get rid of them.
Charlie’s got a touch of the consumption.
He’s been poisoned by his constituents
The correct assumption when you see frank red blood on exertion is either lung injury/infection/cancer or terminal alcoholism. It’s usually the later.
Latter*
Also, don’t forget the ever fun Mallory-Weiss tears if your sudden exertion involves something like jumping, or, since it’s also associated with heavy alcoholism, after a long and good barfing session.
Leaving Las Vegas.
We really are a unique animal aren’t we?
At some point a single male spider started dancing for their lives. Don’t diss innovation.
Wow, it took until their second sentence before they demonstrated how completely unhinged they are.
well I mean if she left even without notifying staff or anyone that is a pretty clear red flag but then again so is spurting fake blood to get attention. so maybe they would have made a nice match.
I imagine anon just staring down this woman as they puke up blood.
It’s funny this was around the same time as movies like Evil Dead which set the record (till 2020s atleast) for the amount of fake blood used. I guess it was a thing that excited people quite a lot at the time lol
They both dodged bullets.
that is a pretty clear red flag
This isn’t a red flag, this is a predictable psychological response:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect
The bystander effect, or bystander apathy, is a social psychological theory that states that individuals are less likely to offer help to a victim in the presence of other people.
Alternatively: op was not a suave and clever as he thought, has very obviously been macking on this woman, looked at her, took a sip from his gym sippy cup, spat red shit on the floor at her feet and then stared at her.
I’d fucken run too
I mean I do understand the sense of weaker responsibility when there are other people around especially those who are immediately responsive and seem like they know what they are doing. But being the first one to witness a distressing event and vacating the premises immediately without informing even the staff is an outlier example, even for this theory imo. Just to note though we are probably discussing this over some made up story.
Just to note though we are probably discussing this over some made up story.
Assuming ‘fake and gay’ is the default in the land of greentext.
I want a version of that appropriate/inappropriate meme but with the guys coughing up blood and both pictures labeled “inappropriate”.
Don’t let your memes be dreams
Yes? Show the other replies please.
This guy who was a *lot bigger than me
