Welcome again to everybody. Make yourselves at home. In the time-honoured tradition of our group, here is the weekly discussion thread!

P.S. Update on those stability improvements/enhancements I mentioned in my previous weekly thread: they’re finished. The matrix server uptime is now better. Suspiciously better, some might say. Anyway, enjoy the reliability >:3

☭ Matrix homeserver and space
☭ Theory discussion group on /c/[email protected]
☭ Find theory on ProleWiki, marxists.org, Anna’s Archive

  • Makan@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
    0·
    18 days ago

    Hi, I am back.

    I have been in Zaragoza, Spain for more than a month.

    This may be best thing that ever happened to me.

    It is still stressful and nerve-wracking getting all this off the ground though, getting settled in and hopefully away from my family’s influence and reach as humanly possible.

    Truth be told, I may be desperately in need of donations regarding my private insurance (can’t get public yet while getting settled in and everything).

    I don’t want anyone kicking me out while people out there (such as my abusive father, his whole rotten family, my two siblings, etc.) want to drag me back under their influence.

    Being away from it all has been freeing in ways that I couldn’t quite fathom before, if at all.

    But honestly, I may actually need to pull a Hail Mary by the end of next week or October to make it stick.

    I dunno how to ask for money here or anywhere; never really had a GoFundMe.

    This is not even getting into the process of getting my NIE or doing HRT.

    It’s a struggle but I will not be dragged back to some dumb suburb in the United States.

    I don’t know how to quite go about this tbh or how to begin.

    I may start a fundraiser thread here tomorrow.

    Anyway, good night.

      • Makan@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
        0·
        18 days ago

        It is not simply about HRT and transitioning, I may literally need donations for this particular episode in my life to make getting settled in Europe viable and finally being free of my family (which, I mean, would also go a long way to making my transitioning and HRT viable).

        Still, thanks for the comment and link. :)

          • Makan@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
            0·
            18 days ago

            Not sure about that and DIY is not really done here as much as it is in, say, the United States.

            Btw, I already have access to SOMOS or am at least friends with them (I am in a WhatsApp group with them right now and have the director’s phone number even).

            That said, I only just met them about a month ago or so and the last meeting I went to with them was maybe two weeks ago (oof, even missed the Lesbian Day stuff too on the SOMOS schedule).

            It is hard to meet with them now, I feel, due to time available, scheduling, and, tbh, sleep issues on my part (by the time night time comes, I am afraid of going at 7:00 or 8:00 or especially 9:00 PM because I deadass need to sleep but this Quviviq isn’t really helping with that so far…)

            Also, to be clear, this goes FAR BEYOND just my access to health insurance (and my access to HRT or gender-affirming care by extension, never mind every other very important thing that comes with health insurance).

            This is much more important than that and this window of opportunity may be a do-or-die moment tbh

    • RepugnantGarbage@lemmygrad.ml
      0·
      17 days ago

      Comrade, I am inspired by your triumph. Well done. And I hope you make the most of your life in wonderful sunny Spain. I am in the process of getting a degree in healthcare so that I can leave the U.S., I graduate in 2027 and will need to work in the field for a few years before I can travel internationally but once I can, I am leaving and never looking back.

      • Makan@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
        0·
        16 days ago

        Well, I certainly hope I can remain here, it sucks that I can’t receive any help in creating the fundraiser

          • Makan@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
            0·
            15 days ago

            Honestly?

            It looks beautiful. It’s not an eyesore like my suburban town in Virginia. Especially at night! The lights and some of the neon signs look great at night. The night sky isn’t just a pitch black (as in, no stars or anything); you can see a lot of clouds and sometimes the sky turning an orange-yellowish hue or sometimes purple-ish color off in the distance as your eyes veer towards the cityline.

            But also, I will say this: it definitely has a lot more life and the people are more… easygoing? I was told that Italians, at least in certain parts, are more easygoing than Americans and Brits in comparison (when I left the United States, it seemed that people were pissed off at, well, everything during practically every day; Americans being “irritable” and “angry” and getting into shouting matches seemed more of the national character than the sign of the times we live in LMAO 😂🤣).

            To be clear, I kinda don’t like the whole tourist-y way of American or Canadian travelers on vacation going all “Gee, I sure really loved the people, they were so nice and gracious” but the folks in Spain seem like they have NO drama to them whatsoever (even when something is happening at the moment or even when there is clearly something to be either upset or more serious about).

            That is honestly refreshing to me (especially since the country is suddenly going through snap elections that have the potential to really change things). From 2020 to 2026, everybody around me seemed either angry, irritable, pessimistic, unpleasant, “doomerist,” and prone to trauma-dumping (quite excessively in the case of one particular family member of mine). It was very… intense. Like, even the humor or general topic of conversation felt “intense,” you know what I’m saying?

            Oh, to be sure, the public transportation and choices that the system here provides is pretty good.

            Also, one thing that I love about this place:

            Disabled people… everywhere.

            Folks out in the streets with walking disabilities, folks who are blind, folks who are paraplegic, folks who appear to have down syndrome (my apologies, I don’t know quite the proper word for what the community call themselves generally and need to attend to other things soon so I defer to that term), etc.

            I don’t know any place in the United States that has this; I wish it were more common.

  • SlayGuevara@lemmygrad.ml
    0·
    24 days ago

    I have been feeling anxious for so long that I do not know of the flat line I feel right now is normal behavior or if I’m in some sort of depressive episode. Just grinding away at work, hanging out with friends and dating a nice woman. Maybe it is peace. But the occasional absence of feeling like I’m in danger feels strange after years. I did sign up for therapy to get through some stuff, though. Maybe it helps.

    • amemorablename@lemmygrad.ml
      0·
      23 days ago

      It reminds me of something which may or may not apply, but seems semi-related. I remember reading about attachment theory; the model/framework of understanding attachment, where some developed healthy, secure attachment and some developed maladaptive forms like anxious attachment, avoidant, etc. And there is this idea that someone who is used to the high highs and low lows of a maladaptive form of attachment can find it almost boring when they encounter secure attachment. Perhaps that’s something like what you’re going through. Worth bringing up with your therapist though.

  • Cowbee [he/they]@lemmygrad.ml
    0·
    23 days ago

    Have a great week, everyone! Whenever times get hard, it helps to zoom out and see that whatever may be coming your way now is temporary. All obstacles exist within time, so rolling with them as they come and weathering the storm will help keep you optimistic even as times get tough.

    As always, communism will win.

  • amemorablename@lemmygrad.ml
    0·
    23 days ago

    I would like to one day live in a country where its administrators proactively seek to improve the conditions of the masses and make decisions based on a long-term view toward that goal, rather than basing decisions on personal enrichment and electoral stunts. I would happily dedicate my life to laboring for a government like that. I want to see the smiling faces of children who get to grow up in a safe, loving, peaceful, and communal world. If I could make a clear difference toward that, it would make it all worth it in the end. To know that others can have a better life than I had. To be empowered through liberation-based education and organized community. To be in community with others, to share goals, and to inhabit immense joy, while never losing sight of what is needed to protect it.

  • TabularTuxedo@lemmygrad.ml
    0·
    23 days ago

    So, I have managed to not preach door-to-door for over a month in the religion I’m stuck in (even managed to voice a clear no to an invite). A small achievement.

    I also talked to an old high school classmate about programming. I used to be the smart kid but he surpassed me. I’m very happy for him.

    I still haven’t mustered up the courage to talk to a communist classmate I know.

  • SlayGuevara@lemmygrad.ml
    0·
    23 days ago

    There’s this one coworker I work with often and he watches reels during breaks. I have witnessed this man’s reels going from far right conspiracy lunacy to now the occasional communist influencer and I wonder if my algorithm is infiltrating his, and winning.

    • Dreammunist@lemmygrad.ml
      0·
      22 days ago

      Could be if you are both using wifi. The other day I started getting ads on my phone feon something my wife searched on her phone while we were both at home connected to our wife.

    • VoOe704c@lemmygrad.ml
      0·
      22 days ago

      I have turned many liberals through persistant shitposting in groupchats.

      As Mao said: “Political power grows out of the pixels of a meme”

    • Darkerseid@lemmygrad.ml
      0·
      22 days ago

      snatch their phone and manipulate their algo. I do this all the time. You just need to like few things and mark dont recommend in some others and you are good to go

    • La Dame d'Azur@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
      0·
      22 days ago

      my line lead watches videos of cops harassing people and laughs at the excessive force like it’s funny

      this happens at lunch, in the quiet break room, where everyone can hear, every single day 🥴

  • Krinkil2705@lemmygrad.ml
    0·
    23 days ago

    I feel stupid every time I forget about the minus sign when answering the total change of a unit in exams, quizes, and homeworks. The profs are right to decrease my score since it’s an important piece of info when building systems, but still it’s annoying.

    • Makan@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
      0·
      18 days ago

      “The profs are right to decrease my score since it’s an important piece of info when building systems, but still it’s annoying.”

      This may technically be true but you don’t have to word it so strongly to yourself, imho

      Flicking your mind with some metaphorical finger will only make it harder for you to learn (since confidence, patience, and self-compassion goes a long way to easing your mind into learning and retaining knowledge).

      Best not to judge too harshly, is all I’m saying; when I do that to myself, for example, I start over-focusing on the problem and making the same mistake even more.

      I dunno why that happens or if modern-day psychology has an explanation for it lol but it seems to plague other people as well l.

      • Krinkil2705@lemmygrad.ml
        0·
        18 days ago

        Thanks for your kind words! I’m still recovering from mental issues, so I tend to go hard on people and harder to myself.

        In my case, it’s mostly caused by decreased attention span during exams to solve as many questions as possible.

        • Makan@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
          0·
          18 days ago

          Context-switching and multi-tasking hurts with that.

          That’s why I am experimenting with apps to decrease social media usage and notification management dramatically.

          Micro-decisions are used by the social media sector in the economy to capture folks who have attention and focus difficulties, such as ADHD folks.

          Every micro-decision pulls you further away from your task, eventually breaking momentum.

          It’s very hard because attention requires momentum for a lot of people.

          I have lately been trying to lower how many tabs I open through other methods as well.

          Also, note: it doesn’t matter if “you” aren’t distracted by the tabs and other visual or audio clutter; your mind will be subsconsciously get distracted anyway, if you catch my drift.

          It’s not just what you notice, it’s what your mind notices.

    • NoOtherWay@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
      0·
      23 days ago

      I AM TOTALLY UNQUALIFIED TO SAY THIS, but has this been a problem for long? Silly mistakes in math have been a staple of my academics, only before I was diagnosed with ADD. I’m on medication and it helps with focus. Don’t know about the math stuff because I’m pretty sure I’m done with all exams in my life.

      • Krinkil2705@lemmygrad.ml
        0·
        22 days ago

        It happens at least once in a test.

        I’m not diagnosed with neurodiverge, but it’s possible doctors avoided the diagnose because I live in a country where slightest bit of deviation from the norm is accepted as “mental r-dation”, and the society treats those individuals so bad it makes suicide more preferable than living.

  • yunah-knowles@lemmygrad.ml
    0·
    23 days ago

    been extremely busy and drained with so many things

    today was the first day i could sort of go back to small steps improvement of political education. for me, it’s always been so hard absorbing theory, and today i finally let go of the shame and looked for like, really simple threads and succinct if of course oversimplified definitions on r/tankiethedeprogram about specific concepts like imperialism and capital export. and it feels good, because i realized maybe i did actually get it! maybe i’m not as hopeless as i thought i was. it sounds silly, but it made me think of the i think compulsory diamat class in prc. i think most kids there aren’t grateful for it, but i’d kind of kill for a simplified, easily accessible theory blurter or something. even a gamified app sort of . idk. hi it’s been a while

    • yunah-knowles@lemmygrad.ml
      0·
      23 days ago

      actually here’s the silly thing. i don’t know how to gauge what i don’t know except for, you know, talking to people versed in theory! and this webbed site is the only place i can do it.