There was a book I read where the exorcism failed when the Christian guy tried to do it, but worked when the best friend sang their favorite song. It was corny but sweet. (I might be remembering it slightly wrong)
John dies at the end?
It’s a bit … much
I like the Castlevania explanation for why crosses work on vampires:
“Vampires are basically an evolved predator species, so their eyesight is pretty different to ours. Turns out that if you put a big geometric shape right up close in their field of vision, it confuses the shit out of their brains and, you know, makes them panic.”
This is similar to the explanation in Peter Watts absolutely brilliant novel Blindsight. The way vampire’s eyes evolved had given them phenomenal eyesight, especially at night, but they go into seizure when trying to process intersecting right angles, a genetic abnormality that wasn’t really relevant until humans started building structures and as people built more and more structures, the vampire threat waned, explaining their disappearance as well.
I cannot stress enough how brillant that novel is. Not only has it modern vampires done right, but also AI done right and completely alien aliens done right.
Okay I wasn’t particularly interested until I read this comment. What a combo lmao
One caveat:
The plot requires that every person in any position of decision making authority on earth be an absolute pants-shitting moron.
This aspect became a lot more believable, lately.
The plot requires that every person in any position of decision making authority on earth be an absolute pants-shitting moron.
That’s not entirely fair. It requires that people became overly reliant on technology to the point where it became an evolutionary trap rather than a material benefit. It’s not out of line with the end of “I, Robot” in which super-intelligent computers effectively render human administration obsolete without humans realizing it, because the computers are tasked with optimizing humanity and human decision making just gets in the way. Watts’s augmented humans, vampire adjuncts, and AI assistants all end up pursuing their purposes too well. And the alien probe-thing they discover at the edge of the solar system suggests a future end state for humanity as much as a possible first-contact scenario.
The hypothesis he puts forward, between Blindsight and Echo Praxia, is that evolution ultimately favors instinctive response over rational self-determination. Humanity’s brief 10,000 year flirtation with consciousness is an accident of evolution that the next epoch of biological change will undo. Human decision making is a feature we developed because we lacked predators to exploit it. As soon as we re-introduced predators to our ecosystem (sociopaths like the main character and his crew, resurrected monsters, unregulated machine intelligence, actual extraterrestrials) we were as done for as the Dodo.
I found the first chapter incredibly difficult to get through as well, but once that’s past, it reads like a puppy.
deleted by creator
Don’t forget to focus on your breath work.
Broke: Conditioning your vampire children to be immune to all religious symbols through exposure therapy
Woke: Seeing religious symbols in mundane objects everywhere because your vampire father thought exposure therapy was a good idea
Bespoke: Carpe Jugulum by Terry Pratchett
(I’m old and don’t fully understand this format, but I like to join in)
Megaspoke: Vampires are vulnerable to all religions ever followed and constantly get flashbanged because they accidentally stepped on holy grounds of ancient civilizations
that’s why they’re only in space
Wokest: Sir Pterry, where vampires are weak to all religious symbols, but intentionally so, because death is so insignificant to them, the vulnerabilities that make them easy to stop also mean that no one truely makes their death more permanent.
The sun burns vampires because its the one true god
Hail to the Sun God!
We know he’s a fun god!
Ra! Ra! Ra!Praise the sun!!!
Final boss: agnostic vampire
Agnostic Vampire: Foolish hunter, I am far more powerful than you. You have no chance at success.
Hunter: Yeah, I really don’t know. You look really strong but I’m really strong too.
Agnostic Vampire: Ahhh!!! Your uncertainty weakens me!
Hunter: Oh wow, this feels like a trap. Now I’m even more uncertain.
Agnostic Vampire: Ahhhhh!!!
Alternative option: atheist redditor vampire
Allergic to sunlight, story checks out.
Medical: vampires are just people affected by rabies.
People with rabies become adverse to strong odors (like garlic) or stimuli, like watching himself in the mirror. Biting of course is part of the symptoms and the disease is transmitted through bites.
After death it’s common for these people to have blood oozing from their mouth, as if they bite someone just before.
And guess what nocturnal animal is carrying rabies ? Vampire bats.
And holy water isn’t their weakness, any water is because of hydrophobia.
Okay Michael
add to that the fact that rabbies victims are unable to sleep because their throat swells up too much and have the feeling of constant thirst
There’s recently been a surge of vampire media that retcons their weakness to religious artifacts as psychosomatic because it reminds them of their humanity. I really like that because it doesn’t make any sense for someone to die and come back as a monster without something breaking in their psyche.
Basically like that meme that claims cartel members are weak to Dragon Ball paraphernalia.
Same vibes as the guy that “fought” a Lion with Toilet paper.
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2dqrsp
When did vampires become vulnerable to crosses?
Does the Vulcan salute “Live long and prosper”
Vampire: hisssssssssss
If you are gonna rope us Trekkies into this, I’ll just ask if they want a salt tablet first. Then set my phaser to kill.
galaxy brain: vampires are just weak to crosses and liquids they come in touch with. christianity just leeched of the symbol’s effectivness in fighting the undead and that’s why it gotten popular.
The Romans crucified Jesus to protect him from vampires.
Thank you Pontius Pilate. First your saved Jesus and then you fixed my posture.
