It’s been going. I think my nervous system is finally getting used to the absence of the one person who’s been here for half of my life. I’m trying to shift my outlook on life and trying to convince myself that I can pull this off on my own. I think there’s been a bit of progress because not every breath feels like torture and I’m no longer thinking of doing anything stupid. There’s a life ahead and I can sort of see it now. It may even be good :)

I don’t know where this should get posted but like passing thought. Where do people make Internet friends in 2023 / 2024 ?

High highs, low lows so far. Monday morning an adorable kitten wandered into my mechanic shop and applied for a job. He’s official pest control manager now unless I find where he came from. He doesn’t know a litter box or the sound of a cat food can opening so it’s probably a stray/feral. But it’s one of the most affectionate cats I’ve come across in a long time.

Tuesday leaving work after a meeting/pets with the new employee, I made it about 2 blocks and someone ran a stop sign and hit me. I’m ok, they are apparently ok (I stayed far back to keep it civil) but my poor 30 year old truck took a pretty hard hit. It’s nothing special to anyone else; but I like it, and have put a lot of blood, sweat, and time into it. Hoping it’s not as bad as it looks.

Anyways, here’s the cat tax: https://i.imgur.com/ntvdV4V.jpg Hope it brightens y’all’s day.

So far so good! I completed my training to be a poll worker for the election in November, which I’m excited about! Also going on a quick vacation this weekend, which should be fun!

I’ve been back home for two days. I stayed near the hospital for a few but there’s really no comfort like home. 1 week post-op will be tomorrow. Now I get to work on my leave paperwork with this shitty 3rd party company we pay to manage work leave, hooray.

I JUST learned what “self care” actually is. So, I have ADHD and anxiety and probably depression, so I have had medications for all three. Notably my anxiety medication almost immediately removed my social anxiety, etc. But I still felt listless, not knowing what to do with myself, letting my apartment get unacceptably dirty. I get a new therapist and he’s got a specialization in “Men’s Issues”, right? And so he listens to my plight and he says “you care about everyone else, why not focus on doing things for yourself?” He specifies that it’s not selfish to do things for yourself, and WOW. I look at my desk, I’m unsatisfied? Cleaned, wiped away. Dirty dishes? Get em outta of the sink and onto the drying rack? Making my bed because I think it looks nicer. I’m amplifying my dissatisfaction into action. It’s awesome.

And the best part? He’s using Men’s Issues techniques and he NEVER mentions it as self care. He knows I’m a smart guy, and (stereotypical) guys don’t like these “mental health” buzzwords peppering women’s magazines. He simply says: “Do things for yourself because YOU want them.” THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY WITH MEDICATIONS! You can’t use your newly modified brain perfectly, you need help. And the right therapist can change everything.

Still ill, annoyingly. It’s just a cough now but every time I go to choir I can’t speak the day after. I know I need to rest my voice but I can’t miss a rehearsal without not being allowed to perform at the concerts.

Speaking of, got an invite to potentially sing in Hiroshima as part of the 80th anniversary of the bombing in 2025. It costs a huge amount to travel there but may be a once in a lifetime opportunity. Not sure whether to go for it.

Otherwise I’m ok. Meeting at work last week went ok, they’re going to try and get some clarity to me before Christmas.

My body hurts

i had my two-month follow up about my brain pills (atomoxetine). they’re working, i think! most of the bad side effects are gone. my provider okayed me for a 90-day supply, and then we’ll check in again. yay for medications that work, and i’m glad i stuck it out for the first few rough weeks.

chuck (foster dog) was supposed to have his stitches out last wednesday, but they weren’t quite ready, so we go back again this wednesday. on thursday he’s coming to the office with me in the morning, then going to his potential adopter’s home for a visit. fingers crossed it goes well! he deserves a good, loving home.

cone of shame tax:

This week is going pretty well! I don’t have anything big looming over me that I need to get done, and I’m seeing Peter Gabriel this weekend, so I’m super psyched about that.

Had a much needed solo weekend roadtrip to the Eastern Sierras in California to see the autumn colors and eclipse viewing. Bodie is a really cool ghost town. Altitude insomnia is no joke, had a dramatic difference in sleep quality when coming back to sea level.

Now back to my cycle of rat rotting and spiraling to my inevitable burnout before catching a second wind. Living is expensive and exhausting but some things make it worth it I guess. Sometimes I wish I could escape and live in a cottage in the countryside but that comes with its own challenges and drawbacks.

Don’t even know, between being frazzled plus mild paranoia, but have started on a long break from alcohol & on day three of cutting down (massively) on smokes with a view to quitting the latter entirely. Going well so far.

Trouble is, my ADHD meds seem to make me fiend nicotine in cigarette format to an alarming degree. Alcohol to a lesser extent. Though the meds are a big help, I don’t know that they make me functional enough to take the physical health hit of either, nor the disarray caused by alcohol.

Which rather leaves me back at square one. Oh well.

My daughter is 6 weeks old today so I’m a happy papa.

Quite an uneventful week for a change. Got painfully reminded that I’ve got a lactose intolerance last weekend, but thankfully that has cleared up.
On the plus side, I got a little basket for all my tea things at work so I can easily carry everything to my desk. I’m disproportionately happy about it for some reason, I guess it’s because everything just fits so perfectly :)
So yes, it’s a week of small pleasures (and one painful torture).

I’m looking for an Android job and got an offer for a web + android job. It’d mostly be web probably and I’m not sure if I should go for it.

Mainly because I’ve got two other interviews coming up and also I don’t want to impact my career experience when I’m looking for my next job. What do you think?