I would have hugged you very tightly and very long if you were here.

I can only imagine there is something about being a girl around girls that I don’t think being a boy around boys can match.

Probably, in some ways. I don’t want to have go to the country I legally belong to but have never lived in. It’s probably the worst country in the world.

Basically I belong to a fundamentalist and backwards country, I was born and raised in a country that doesn’t like me (and sometimes can’t wait to show it), and I have disappointed myself and people around me in the basic aspects of life. Going for “I think I’m a girl” is a no go every way I look at it. That is, if I am legitimately trans, because my therapist didn’t think so.

Thanks for the recommendation.

That’s exactly what I have to do. Unlearn a bunch of stuff. Not just conventions of patriarchy though. Some basic stuff as well

I really enjoyed what I tried (makeup). It was the most joy I had felt in years, even despite accentuating some of my “manly” facial features.

But I could never go any further than than that. I have to perform the role I have been given.

Thanks. I’m going to read that.

I can’t try anything real though. My situation doesn’t allow that. And I can’t get away from it.

Introspection is good. But it can be paralyzing if it leads somewhere you can’t actually go. And I’m very prone to analysis paralysis.

Yes. This. I am neutral about being a man. I don’t mind it, especially in so far as it’s the reality I have to live with. But there is also a big chance I think about wishing to be a girl for the wrong reasons. Gender is a social construct, and I have (over)thought myself to the point where I think I’d very much like it if I could walk that path and for my body to follow. I can’t though. Maybe I will (again) some day secretly try in small ways to indulge some of the thoughts.

This is probably not cool of me to do, but anyway, I don’t think I am trans, but sometimes I do wish I were a girl, and I do feel jealous of some of the things girls do, even some of the mostly (probably) meaningless gestures and words they exchange. I don’t have any particular opinion about being a man, except there are duties you have to fulfill. But then what about being as you want to be. Things change. You change. You should be allowed to.

The media is paid to ignore it. And people are too numb to react. Everyone is desensitized to everything that would have enraged them had it been announced all of a sudden. It’s like that poison conditioning. Taking little amounts of poison each time, with apparently no effect. But it’s destroying us on the inside.

Thanks. Now I know who to redirect the internal shouts at.

I get both disappointment and relief. Also anxiety.

I swear, the drama with these two!

Well they made a country to do their type of Sharia law in.

Biological warfare

So like Russia and Assad?

I hopped mainly among a few. Then it was Debian for a long time. Then hopped again for no particular reason. My Mint kernel panicked once a few weeks ago, so I might hop again.

Of course. Maybe they gave the dangerous toy to the buffoon they would bet was stupid enough to use it.

The world has become numb enough that it will only ever condemn atrocities or at best shake a fist at them. Trump’s horde has proved that you can get away with anything as long as you brazenly ignore common sense and basic human decency.

Know any good restaurants?