I literally have two

Oh yea I’ve been doing the whole song and dance for a while :) Thank you for the comment though!

However, the absence of pain is distinct from the presence of joy.

Holy shit I love this so much.

I grew a huge beard both to hide my face and because shaving made me feel miserable for reasons that were at the time unidentifiable.

Yup.

When I think back to when I was pretending to be a man I remember feeling numb all the time, whereas my world became so much more vibrant as my hormone levels feminized.

I feel like we’ve shared a life. My experience is exactly this. I rarely took an active role in my own life and just felt like I was floating along a pathway I was expected to be following.

Hi there, Gorgeous! Glad you’re here 💜

You don’t need to know exactly what your gender identity is or what you can label yourself as. I spent most of my life “fine” with my agab, but i could never picture what my future looked like. When my egg cracked, I thought that maybe I was just questioning and nothing would come of it. Over time, I moved around through demigender, bigender, and gender fluid before finally understanding that I was just a straight up binary trans woman. That came after a lot of experimenting and better understanding the role that gender dysphoria played in my life when I never identified it as such at the time. Your gender journey is yours alone and it doesn’t have to have any clearly defined stops, starts, or clear pathways. It’s okay if its murky, and filled with ebbs and flows and detours. And its totally fine if that journey leads you back to a feeling that you are, in fact, cis.

Hope this helps, feel free to ask me any questions :)

I’m so glad that I could help! :) my wife would braid my hair before I decided to come out and the wave and bounce gave me so much euphoria.

You can try braiding it after showering and letting it dry. Then use some hairspray to help it last linger if you can use it.