Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do, we do!

Who leaves Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps? We do, we do!

Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star? We do, we do!

Who robs cave-fish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night? We do! Weeee doooooooooo!

Remove the stone of shame… attach the stone of triumph!

And if I ever reveal these sacred truths, may my stomach become bloated and my head plucked of all but three hairs.

Uh, I think he should have to take a different oath!

Everyone takes the same oath!

Now let’s all get drunk and play ping pong!

Also “It’s a secret” “Shaddup”

And don’t even bother calling 9-1-1 anymore, here’s the REAL number.

We’re allowed one Homer

And now the final ordeal: The Paddling of the Swollen Ass, with paddles.