I feel like thats not even that many roaches for a real infestation
Also doesnt mention what kind
And there are proffesionals you can call probably once to deal with that problem.
If you find a human living in your attic unbeknownst to you well
Thats a lifetime of therapy or more to deal with after dealing with the immediate problem
Roaches every time
I was going to say exactly this. 1,000 roaches is not that many roaches, can be easily dealt with, and pose no serious immediate threat.
One human could kill you and your entire family and then burn your house down.
If you see 1 roach, there’s probably 1,000 more hiding. If you see 1,000 roaches…
Then there’s only one hiding?
yeah but he’s the size of Larry Bird and he sucks at hiding
I don’t know why, but this made me laugh so hard it hurt my ribs and stomach. I haven’t laughed that hard in a while - thank you!
Roaches can cause respiratory problems, but I’d take that over potential murder and rape.
Also, I would be very disappointed in my dogs if they didn’t notice a person living in the attic. You can find a ball by scent–you’d better notice a person creeping around!
A person creeping around? That’s just Paul, mate. You know Paul, he’s been living in the attic for years. Stupid human, doesn’t even recognize it’s own flatmates.
Very possible thought line for one of my dogs. The other doesn’t trust anyone without endless cajoling.
Paul — is that the name of the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home???
Why do we assume the human wants to harm you? If they’re in your attic, that means they would have already killed you if they wanted.
Chances are if you maintain peace, they will.
I don’t want random dildos hanging out in my house without my knowledge, friendly or not. At least with the roaches, I don’t have to have a conversation.
It’s so interesting that people assume the worst of the human, unironically says something about society. I was just imagining a homeless person.
I take your point, but the reasoning “this person has already demonstrated themselves willing, able, and motivated to breach a major social contract related to your safety; therefore I fear that they may try to breach more” is not unreasonable. The proportion of “home invaders who are also (willing to be) murderers” is gonna be way larger than the proportion of willing murderers among the general population.
Absolutely with you here. Roaches is normal at worst
What if it’s a nice person though?
They would have asked if they could live in my attic
May I live in your attic? I’m a great cook.
No thanks its currently occupied by spiders and i dont need more roommates
I have a spider too! Her name is Bianca-Fabian.
Mine doesn’t have a name yet, but it caught that really annoying fly yesterday, which was nice.
fr, that person might rape and/or murder me but the roaches won’t lol
A LIFETIME of therapy?
I’d rather the person. A roommate that’s so good, I didn’t even notice them there until I physically checked the attic? Perfect.
That was my thought, if they’ve gone unnoticed until then that means they are quiet, that alone puts them in the top 5% of roommates.
Does anyone know I’ve found this person?
I want to hear your answer for both options.
1000 roaches?
I’d roll them into a blunt.
No, I mean when they know you found someone and when they don’t.
If it’s not a secret, then the police can figure it out.
If it is a secret, the options are endless. I certainly wouldn’t need to pay for a house cleaner ever again.
…are you considering enslaving the person in your attic?
Indentured servant.
Gotta collect that back rent.
What?
Free person.
Think of the possibilities.
“Is anyone aware that I have located the individual in my attic?”
Both problems can in theory be solved with a flamethrower
The right amount of borax also takes care of either problem.
In practice choosing 1000 roaches would make for a legal solution (i don’t know how to survive jail)
You can legally kill roaches.
You can legally kill people too. Cops do it all the time.
See, the issue with your statement is the “you” part. As a dark skinned person with leftist political stances, I don’t believe I can get away with what cops do.
Cops are just one of many examples. Here are some other ways of legally killing people:
- joining the army
- becoming a doctor and systemically neglect women and poc
- fatally injuring someone in self defense
- getting someone pregant in places with abortion bans
Notice that I said killing, not ‘murdering’. So long as it’s either not deliberate or acceptable by law, you can legally get people killed.
How would they even prove intent in any of those cases? Has that ever actually happened?
You can’t always prove intent. That’s why some of these problems are systemic. Which one are you doubting? There are too many examples of each for me to list all of them.
Instructions unclear. Apparently being overrun by a roach army is not a good enough reason to burn your own house down.
I hate bugs, like HATE. But I watched that video of the girl living in the storage space in the ceiling. And she’d come down at night to eat food and piss in the sink… I’ll take the bugs
Thanks for making me discover that. Could’ve lived my whole life without knowing about it.
I guess the toilet would make to much noise.
It never said where she’d #2 tho… That’s what scares me most. If she’s peeing in the sink…
Well now I’m debating my answer.
From a practical standpoint, the person is theoretically easier to get rid of than the roaches because there’s almost certainly only one of them and even if there’s two, of opposite sex, it takes considerably more time and effort for them to produce any more of them and even then more than a decade before those offspring can themselves breed. That said a person is as big as at least 1000 cockroaches and has more natural defences.
It’s a bit of a conundrum because there’s probably more readily available resources for getting rid of roaches than a person, but they’re probably less effective than most anti person resources that you can get if you can get them. You could try the anti roach tactics on the person but you’d have to get like a lot of roach spray and a lot of protective equipment because the cornered person is pretty dangerous. You couldn’t even really call in a professional either because I reckon they’d likely run away when they discovered they weren’t dealing with roaches.
Depending on your area the local police would probably be the best stand in for pest control at this scale and probably pretty effective too so ultimately the person is probably the better option of the 2 but that said it’d be an awful lot more disturbing than the 1000 roaches. There is at least the option of becoming friends with the person though which is not really an option with the roaches.
I’m sure tenting the whole house for a few days will get rid of both easily
I’m leaning roaches just because I won’t have as much difficulty explaining why I killed them.
Yeah but I feel like modern insecticides/ pest control methods are pretty good. Probably could have the roaches nipped in the bud with 1-2 visits from a decent exterminator. Involving the police etc sounds like a much bigger ordeal
One human sized roach, or 1000 roach sized humans?
A human sized roach is big enough to just shoot. A roach-sized human could be hiding anywhere with like a poisoned needle or whatever.
Yeah, but a human sized roach has an armoured carapace which is now a few centimetres thick. Do you have a cannon with armour piercing ammunition at home? I’ll take my chances in forming an alliance with the small people.
A roach that big wouldn’t be able to move much, it’s legs would probably splinter under the weight of that armored carapace. Also it probably wouldn’t be able to “breathe” at that size, it’s respiratory system wouldn’t function well enough to keep it alive for very long. It’s a problem that would solve itself pretty quickly.
Desert Eagle w/ steel core ammo?
For all your “defend your neighbours home without opening any doors” needs. Sure, that works.
Square-cube law, a human size roach would suffocate and likely be crushed by its own weight.
Definitely the 1 human sized roach this one’s obvious. It’s hard enough getting rid of 1000 roach sized roaches and now you want to give them human ingenuity?
Human sized roach. I mean Gregor just kinda died of his own accord didn’t he? You just gotta emotionally reject it as having ever been your son and maybe throw an apple or two at it.
It’s a lot easier to kill a single human than 1000 roaches.
True, a cockroach will live pretty near forever it seems.
I don’t want to deal with any person that can handle the intense summer heat in my attic without dying.
Yes, its 110+ F here during the day… the attic… well a few years ago we had a guy out to service…
He FELL down the attic ladder due to heat stroke. Its one of those almost straight ladders that fold into the ceiling.
He was thankfully ok, and after some AC and water, was right as rain… I should say, he was a young guy in good health, and not only that a friend of a family member. We wanted to take care of him, first and foremost. If we thought medical attention was needed (and my own ass has had heat stroke, I know it) we would have called emergency services. We didn’t want to stick him with an ambulance bill (no insurance, private contractor) if he didn’t need it.
But fuck, 1k roaches? You know what, I’ll board the animals, use it as an excuse to get a nice hotel room with the wife, see if we can both take PTO for the week off and take an unprompted vacay, while the exterminator does their business.
That being said, 10 years ago, when I was much much poorer, with much more tenuous job stability… I’d take a knife up for the human in the attic, take the body to a family friend with a pig farm. Pigs make the best witnesses. They eat all the evidence, and can’t speak.
For once I am glad I live in a location that I would be too hot for anything to live in my attic.
That’s what you think. Roaches can survive extreme heat. Humans, not so much.
I didn’t need to hear this before bed time.
People that live in attics write best selling books. I bet I could negotiate at least 60% of that profit if it was my fucking attic. Easy Choice.
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It’ll be just like The Sims
If you have both, you could set them against each other and the problem might solve itself
Thunderdome! 1001 creatures enter, only one leaves!
“This is truly, on god, the first “would you rather” that I’ve ever had to devote significant thought to.”
They just don’t like punctuation.
Edit, sorry @ [email protected] I meant to reply to you.
Oh ffs. How you managed to decipher that, I don’t know. Thank you!!
What does “on god” mean? First I’ve heard that term.
They’re swearing to god that what they are saying is true. It’s phrased a bit awkwardly, I think they’ve mixed up “I swear to god” and “hand on heart” or maybe “on my mother’s life”, something like that.
“on god” is just zoomer slang.
It can also be abbreviated to “ong” which is not the same as “omg”.
Ah! I’m pretty old, definitely not up to date on the latest slang.
like, “I swear by god”, I’m guessing
Truthfully
Thank you!
Roaches don’t have squatters rights.
But does anyone else know you have a rando living in your attic?
