Not going to offer many details on the where or how, as I don’t intend to dox myself, but suffice it to say that I will continue touching butts for an extended period. I don’t like feeling aroused by the act. These people placed trust in me. Trust that I mean them no harm and that I am safe to be around. I can certainly be both while aroused, but I’d rather not have to deal with this.
I’d prefer not to dissociate through work, but I can’t find another way to contextualize my experiences in a way that doesn’t leave me frustrated until I get home.
I haven’t seen it mentioned, so what I consider an important perspective: it’s a perfectly normal and biologically expected reaction. Having thoughts and feelings is never incorrect, shameful, or immoral. It’s our behavior which has consequence.
Remember that in the opposite role, as a patient, it might feel embarrassing or inappropriate to become visibly aroused when a doctor or nurse is manipulating (or even just looking at) parts of your body, but the professional is trained to recognize this as an autonomous physiological response to stimuli, and disregard. There’s no place or reason in this context for judgement.
I would encourage you to, and honestly, as the professional in your circumstance, expect you to, foster this same clinical disregard for your own arousal. It’s perfectly fine and expected to be aroused when touching or being touched by another human; that’s not behavior and must not be judged.
But developing what could be understood as a “kink” by perseverating on your “naughty” feelings toward people in your care, finding it titillating how embarrassed or unprofessional your reactions are, isn’t uncommon. It’s exciting because it’s transgressive. If you can’t operate professionally by treating your normal feelings as normal, you do owe it to the people who’ve placed their trust in you to step away.
Think about preventing repetitive stress disorders.
Nothing shuts down the sinful thoughts* quite like OSHA regulations.
(*not actually sinful)
That would certainly help my posture, during. I’m using this one immediately. I just hope it doesn’t ripple elsewhere
We aren’t really socialized to have uncomplicated unsexual fondness for butts, etc, so take comfort that most people would struggle in your position, and that socialization is something that can change with time in it right environment. As long as you cultivate the right social setting at work, you probably don’t need to make any big changes, since those will happen with time.
Alternatively, you could pivot to other butt touching career, but that’s a decision best made with your partner.
Possibly it might help to accept that your conflict is not unusual, professionalism is an attempt to limit the chaos of human thought into a narrow channel but it is only an attempt. Understanding that emotions from arousal to repulsion are natural and have evolved specifically to overcome attempts to suppress them is important. Expectation and acceptance of errant thoughts is a way to nullify their potency and manage their weight on your actions. Those thoughts that flit in and out of your mind are in the minds of everyone around you, and always have been and were in the minds of the owners of those butts. The chaos does not escape our minds not because it is not there but because it does not fit into the world we have made. This essential goodness of fit to the world of a conscious well mind is what limits the stream of unlimited options coming unrelented from the subconscious.
One time I did see one patient that was exceptionally attractive so I just kinda shoved it down for a while. I did have a bizarre dream (don’t remember any of the details other than that it involved that patient and was bizarre). Then I had to clean their bathroom real fast when they had to move rooms and I no longer found them attractive. Problem solved. Dunno if that helps in your situation. Maybe look into more about how intimacy coordinators in the TV/Film industryhandle things?
Maybe look into more about how intimacy coordinators in the TV/Film industryhandle things?
No, they don’t clean bathrooms either :)
They actually learn and practice how to create intimacy and at the same time to set and respect proper boundaries. But that is a “together” thing. Doesn’t help OP here.
Oh no that was mostly unrelated and intentionally so. I don’t struggle with it because patients, being human beings, are generally pretty gross. It sounds like OP doesn’t have the grossness to fix the problem for them and that was the best alternative framework I could think of.
I do not, unfortunately. Some butts are gross while others are not. It’s a frustrating spectrum
What matters to your patients isn’t your thoughts but your deeds. If you are acting professionally it doesn’t matter if you are having inappropriate (sexual) thoughts. You might have to channel this energy elsewhere and eventually it will be less stimulating as you get used to it.
That is my hope. It’s certainly been helpful to hear so many people saying variations of this. It feels immensely frustrating to deal with this alone, but recognizing this as a slow issue to grind through is helpful
Remember it’s our actions not our thoughts. There’s nothing even wrong about secret perving which are you not even doing
Jerk of before work. Maybe not applicable to people with vaginas, but it’s quick and for me at least really makes a difference in how horny I get
in my experience as a vagina haver, jilling off before work does in fact help keep you from getting distracted by the horny (though if it’s particularly bad it won’t completely eliminate the thoughts)
I have made a point of being completely satisfied before the day begins, which has reduced the issue by an order of magnitude. Still lizard braining, unfortunately.
The FBI supposedly figured out that Jeffrey Dahmer was a smoker, because they found butts in the garbage can.
Turned off yet?
No, I think form fitting suits are hot… But I am sincerely asking about compartmentalization, so please don’t take this as an invitation to make more butt jokes
As an asexual person, my flabber is so gasted reading through these comments. I truly have never even considered that any of this is a possibility.
Anyway, good luck I guess OP. Now I will proceed with my life with even more anxiety about having humans touch me.
That’s gotta feel like being a fish, unaware of the water around you.
Don’t worry it’s mostly harmless reactions. Like feeling hungry when you see someone with a bacon sandwich. You wouldn’t steal that person’s bacon. That person’s bacon is safe from you. But damn if you’re not hungry now.
Edit : some people would steal that bacon. But people who would actually do that don’t usually last long.
Find a place and a time to vent it.
Never talk to these people about it, ofc, but find a trusted person to talk to. The world wild internet cannot replace a trusted person.
Usually I’d speak to my partner about it, but the subject matter is peculiar and uncomfortable. Frankly, I was hoping to find a magic bullet rather than reasonable advice
Idk if finding a magic bullet in your butt-touching job is gonna help against arousal tbh
I have a somewhat creative idea. Don’t know if you want to try it out, but I just tell it:
First, get hold of your partner’s butt. Then start to talk about the issue, but talk in a certain way:
- Describe how this butt is better than all the other butts.
- Tell how you feel about this butt, but not about the other butts.
- Tell what you are going to do to this butt, but never to all the other butts.
- etc.
You know the direct outcome of this already. In addition such talk is going to have impact for the future on your own thoughts and feelings, and the same for your partner.
Okay, I shouldn’t have laughed at this great idea, but it is humorous to imagine this scenario.
This is my partner’s butt.
There are many like it, but this is mine.
My partner’s butt is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
I am nothing without this butt,
This butt is nothing without me.
Don’t we all?
Eventually, you’ll become desensitized.
Every butt as boring as the next. They’ll lose meaning to you, like saying the same word over and over for 18 hours straight. You’ll only find them attractive when attached to the right person first.
Good luck!
Aren’t you going to get used to it after a few days, like to everything else in life?
I have certainly not gotten used to it after a few days
I know elsewhere you said you want a magic bullet, but you might consider this a multi-pronged, if not at least multi-step process.
I think that you can get used to it. But if you have too much concern about the whole thing that can paradoxically prevent that habituation from occurring. trust that you are acting appropriately. Do those other steps like masturbation before work. Do something to remain present, like engagino your senses with your environment. Noting the sounds you hear, the smells, or the things you can see.
Make it you versus thoughts instead of you versus butt. Or versus arousal. Call the thoughts in your head that come up that aren’t serving you
It might take more than a few days. I asked my brother about a similar thing - he was a cheerleader and part of that is practically groping butts. He just said after a while the act in that context got desensitized and wasn’t an issue, but it was awkward until then.
That is heartening and leaves me hopeful. I’m hoping butts turn a stale beige sooner rather than later
Maybe don’t hope that for just every butt, but butts that are work related.
My hobby has me touching a lot of butts. After a while, it’s not interesting anymore
That sucks. Maybe find something else or somewhere else? Perhaps it is the gender of the butts involved? If your arousal is visible this might complicate things at work. It also opens you to risk.
It’s certainly not visible. Not unless I have a major wardrobe malfunction. And I’m looking at other options before I choose to change gears to that degree.
Maybe try to see your work as systematic act. Brake the touching down into small purpose driven steps to disconnect it from sensuality during your work.
Otherwise its ok to have unprofessionel thoughts as long as you dont act on them unprofessionely.
That has been my mindset going in, but maintaining it has lessened the issue rather than alleviating it entirely.
I would never act on them. There’s 0 chance of that, which has pinned my hope for resolution
Thats sounds great already! I hope you can find peace with it.
Is this a new activity to you? You will get used to it
Relatively. And that is my hope. Expediting it would be nice.
So is there any chance that perhaps someone responded inadvertently and got you with pheromones?
Edit: to add to this, you’ll be super desensitized real soon
I’m friendly, in shape, and easygoing so I rarely find it strange when someone finds me attractive. I can’t discount the idea entirely, but I don’t believe so, in this case.
Fair enough, how you doin’
Good luck and you’ll be fine
