Another of my pathetic attention seeking rants incoming.

I hate myself, so God damn much. I recently went out and socialised and I know i was just some creepy man with tits. That i acted “weird in the weirdest possible way”. I had creepy thoughts (i mean who tf thinks these things??) creepy demeanor creepy everything.

I feel the need to repent, ive already bashed my leg a little, but i think ill start cutting again. Im just so evil, i dont really deserve to live. Im a creature both mentally and physically that should be locked in some dungeon. I should be fucking murdered brutally by some hero.

If i had some moral backbone, i would kill myself knowing that I am someone who should not live. But alas, i dont have the courage. Instead ill just block everyone or something and bed rot until i hopefully starve.

-Minty

  • Tanis Nikana@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    15 days ago

    Jesus, Minty, stop.

    Have some grace for yourself. You struggle day in and day out and you expect to handle all this flawlessly?

    Don’t hurt yourself. That just compounds the misery.

    • Minty@aussie.zoneOPEnglish
      0·
      15 days ago

      i was in a 4am im evil spiral. Partly better now. I didnt hurt myself beyond some bruising on my leg.

      Thank you, i will try to give that grace to myself.

  • gridlock@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    0·
    15 days ago

    Rant away. Right now this moment sucks, and the feelings are what they are. They are not forever.

    You aren’t a creature or a monster, just a young woman struggling with a world that isn’t accommodating. Transitioning and socializing take time, and it takes good days and bad. You did the best you could in public, you’ll figure out ways to navigate it better over time.

  • Hildegard (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    0·
    15 days ago

    Minty no. You’re not evil. There is a lot of evil in this world and you are absolutely not it. The evil people who don’t deserve to live are the kinds who commit atrocities, not social faux pas.

    There is no need to repent, only to learn. Take care of yourself. Drink water, eat healthy, sleep well. You’ll be better next time!

    You should change your sign off that one is not accurate.

    Hilde <3

  • Azalea@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    0·
    15 days ago

    Minty you aren’t creepy I promise you :(

    You aren’t evil, and you aren’t a man with tits. I really mean that. You aren’t attention seeking for making a post like this either.

    I hope you can get into a better frame of mind soon. If you need to stay in for a bit to recover please remember to take care of yourself.

    • Minty@aussie.zoneOPEnglish
      0·
      15 days ago

      Thank uu ❤️

      Unfortuntely my mind very much says if u had met me, you would think otherwise :/

  • Mustelidae (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    0·
    15 days ago

    Sweet Minty, you are both an adorable kitty and a valid woman. Courageous on top of that ! Going socialising is not everyone’s cup of tea, yet you did it.

    Hey, it’s okay girl, you’re no evil, no monster. You totally deserve to live a joyful life.

    Hugs to you girl

  • gandalf_die_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    0·
    15 days ago

    eh, that’s quite egoistic of you to think that you can decide whether you’re worthy of life or not.

    i’m pretty sure that there’s people who think that you’re cute and who want to be around you. and it would be rude and inappropriate to deny them of that chance.

    • Minty@aussie.zoneOPEnglish
      0·
      15 days ago

      Thank you ❤️

      Also thank you for sharing your experience.

      Tha main thing with me is ive had bad experiences of being called weird and stuff, so im not really imagining that im being perceieved in that way. “weird in the weirdest way possible” is a direct quote someone used to describe me.

      That, combined with my intrusive thoughts about doing creepy things (i often put my hands behind my back just in case i do something) so it makes it really hard to not see myself as some predator. I self harm in response to possibly being creepy to deal with the guilt of it. Now that i think of it, theres nothing that i did, these are just as u say hangovers from socialising for me. Noone has actually said i acted badly at all.

      • gandalf_die_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
        0·
        15 days ago

        That, combined with my intrusive thoughts about doing creepy things (i often put my hands behind my back just in case i do something) so it makes it really hard to not see myself as some predator.

        now i really do want to meet you, i’d like to know what you would do to me ~

        (note: this whole comment might seem weird to a bystander, but i think that the weirdest people are often the most interesting ones. :-)

        • Minty@aussie.zoneOPEnglish
          0·
          15 days ago

          Im not sure if i really appreciate that comment. The thoughts bring me a lot of pain