How does it work for you?
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I sand the surface with 220 grit then apply two coats of acrylic enamel. While the paint is still wet, pock the surface in random locations with a blunted nail and score here and there with a dull screwdriver. When dry, I coat with a thinned down acrylic matte black then wipe with damp rag to smear into cracks and expose the color. Finish with a good polyurethane.
What a distressing miscommunication.
Any photos of the results? If it’s not too bloody!
Is this like physical smoothing of surfaces haha?
Doomscrolling.
Very badly.
You probably never heard of it, but I shitpost on this obscure technology forum called Lemonworld or something on things I would never admit to in public.
It’s great, I’m something of a celebrity over there.
I go for a walk alone while listening to music, usually instrumental EDM or similar, no lyrics to think about.
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Lay it on me
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You’re looking at it.
Fuck if I know. Closest I can think of is being alone.
Videogames help. Or a longboard and music. Drive and music.
Swap longboarding for running and that’s me.
Nothing beats screaming your favorite song into the warm summer air driving down some nice roads.
And here I was picturing you screaming your favourite song into the warm summer air while running 🤣
…you guys destress?
Trained pavlovian responses to sensory triggers. If you meditate to the smell of lavender enough times eventually it starts inducing a trance you can use to combat panic attacks. You can also use other smells, sounds, colored lights, textures, etc. It actually works best if you use multiple different senses at a time. The catch is you have to continue meditating to whatever sensory trigger(s) you’ve decided on, and you have to do it more often than you use it to stop anxiety/panic. If you use it a bunch of times when you’re anxious / panicking and don’t keep using those triggers when you’re already calm, eventually the behavioral pathway will flip and the calming trigger will start causing anxiety instead because that’s when you’re doing it most. Ever set your morning alarm to your favorite song (if you haven’t, don’t). Even your favorite song in the world will eventually sour if it’s heard more often interrupting a blissful sleep than being vibed to.
the behavioral pathway will flip and the calming trigger will start causing anxiety instead because that’s when you’re doing it most
You might have no idea, but since you bring it up I might as well ask - any way of reversing this once it’s happened? Recently my stress levels have been so heightened that that switch has flipped on some of the things (and people) that gave me most comfort and instead now they just cause me rage, and I’m struggling to find a way back (am autistic too which I understand can make this even harder)…
So the Dialectal Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill above is called sensory-self-soothe, but it sounds like you might need something more like opposite action. I do recommend you take a breather first, so try to take a little bit of time away from those things entirely. This is to let some of your overall emotional inflammation die back before actually getting to work on this. You’re not gonna get this done right if your emotions haven’t even had a chance to stop getting their ass beat. How much time is gonna depend a lot on how you specifically relate to or need any of those things, but even 15 minutes can make a huge difference, especially if adrenaline/panic juice is involved.
So opposite action means intentionally acting differently than the emotion you are feeling calls you to, with the eventual goal of changing the emotion you are feeling. The worst part is that that’s a legit measurable phenomenon in behavioral psychology; you actually can fake an emotion until you feel it. Your brain will literally be like,"well. I’m smiling. So I guess I’m happy???
-hang on my phone is dying and I really need a keyboard anyway.
Ok, I’ve had a proper read through now, I’ll admit there is a lot to process, but this a lot of sense (and some bits I was already doing without even realising, like trying to get space away from triggers).
I think my situation is tricky because the main person triggering me is my nibling, whose family I live with (I’ve been here since they were born and I’m often left to care for them during the day. Cuddling and playing and just spending hours on the couch watching cartoons with them used to be my escape, but for the past couple of months external stress has gotten worse, and after they “pushed me” on a really bad day and that brain switch has flipped, every time they want to be around me I feel like they’re “pushing me” and fight/flight which is the constant state of my autistic brain anyway, ramps up even more), so I can’t get away from them for any decent length of time, and they’re just a kid and it’s difficult to explain my growing boundaries (every time one gets crossed, by “hostile” or “friendly”, rationally I can tell the difference but irrationally they both have the same impact - a stricter boundary can’t help but pop up in its place, in self defence) and why I need them to stay away from me (or, if they keep “pushing”, why I’m suddenly horrible to them even though they don’t deserve it).
I don’t want to push them away, I rationally know they mean no harm and just want to give and be given love, but I also just need my boundaries respected.
The one thing I have avoided doing is reminiscing about good times because it makes me too upset that I’ve gone from that to this and I spiral in to a really dark place, but I do see how it might help, so I’m going to try my best to try it. I think some of the other advice is a little tricky for someone with sensory processing difficulties though).
Anyway, I won’t ramble any longer, thank you again, I’ve not actually talked about this to anyone else, and I feel like this exchange is a good first step to at least try and fix things.
I do wish I could find a descent therapist though… -_-
I remember that despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage. I think of it as the pumpkins’ version of the serenity prayer.
I found a YouTube channel that discusses philosophy called Einzelgänger about a year ago and it helped change my whole perspective on life. I get stressed a lot less frequently now, but when am stressed listening to his videos calms me down better than anything else ever has. I’ve bought and read many of the books he talks about and look forward to buying new ones. My favorite authors so far are Arthur Schopenhauer and Albert Camus. I also recommend Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, the Tao-te Ching by Lao Tzu, and anything from Seneca or Epictetus.
Laughter helps a lot. But if I’m consuming a ton of media, it’s sometimes better to just take a break and drink water while doing nothing else. I also have mantras about life like: “if I have my family, I’m ok”, “home can be anywhere”, “nothing in life is more important that food, shelter, water”, etc. Sometimes I worry about bills, future costs, etc. But worrying doesn’t always make it easier. A little bit of worry keeps me from ignoring finances all together. But too much worry isn’t helping. If you can free yourself from worrying about money, you’d be surprised how much weight gets lifted. I’m privileged because I have family and friends that I love. If I ever hit hard times, I know I have a home with them. Reminding myself of that keeps me from staying up all night with worry.
Playing videogames, mostly, but reading fiction is another. Cleaning open-endedly while listening to music, as well. Primal screaming.
They all work pretty well as long as I pick the right kind of videogame.
Wanking.
