The fediverse is small, and thats both a blessing and a curse - one of its several blessings is that in a smaller space we all individually have a bigger impact on what the culture of this space is like.
On this comm (and on lemmy broadly) there’s a lot of discussion about how to grow the fediverse, what to improve, but an easy thing you can do for the fediverse is right in front of us-
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Be kind
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Ask people what they think, and why
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Approach folks you disagree with with curiosity rather than hostility (EDIT: no, this is not specifically referring to Nazis. I get it, they’re the first thing that comes to mind. I’m not telling you to approve of Nazis I’m just saying be kind to your fellow lemmites)
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Engage sincerely
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Ask yourself if there’s something nice you can say
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Make this small space worth being in
A platform lives or dies by what’s available on said platform and often we have this conversation in the context of “content” or posts - and we may never have as much content as reddit does. But content and posts aren’t the only thing this kind of platform offers- it also offers people. It offers community, and human interaction.
Culture and community is lemmy and the fediverse’s biggest differentiator, and we all have a role to play in shaping the culture of this space.
The biggest thing you can do to help the fediverse is make it a place worth being.
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I disagree with your premise.
It should be “The best thing that you can do for humanity is to be kind”.
Seriously. We’re living in a time when fascism is in an upswing and at least one religious leader has publicly called empathy a sin. Kindness and empathy are rebellious acts.
I can get behind the Kindness Rebellion.
Yeah, let’s show them! … how to be decent human beings by example.
You know what, I can respect that take. I was trying to tailor things to my audience, you’re not wrong though :)
I like your take as well. My “disagreement” is mainly contrarian silliness as I felt it was rather implicit in your post :)
Fuck you!
No, fuck you!
Watch it, bub!
Don’t call me bub, guy!
I wish you pleasant sexual encounters as well, most esteemed stranger.
Here are some more specific examples to think about!
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Compliment people’s art and ask about their process
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Teach people about something you’re knowledgeable on
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Give constructive criticism on peoples projects when it’s welcome
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Thank people for posting things you’re glad you got to see, tell them you enjoyed it
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Tell people you’re glad they’re here
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Tell people you hope they have a good day
Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts :) if you have thoughts of your own, I’d love to hear them!
On constructive criticism - definitely rule one is make sure that it’s invited first, but second, the best way to “sweeten” a critique and make it more appealing is to put it between compliments. Don’t have a bare remark about the problems or suggestions, tell them what you like first, then how they might change things, and then close with something else positive or simply thanking them for sharing it. Even if someone says they want to hear what people think, it’s normal to be defensive, so help lower that reaction first, and then leave them feeling appreciated even though you pointed out issues you saw.
Aka the compliment sandwich. A technique I personally dislike. Be honest and open with your feedback in a positive way, don’t try to hide it between compliments. If your feedback is simply negative, keep it to yourself.
I agree it can be used fallaciously, often found in the business world. My point was to include both good and bad honestly and not hide it, and people won’t shut down if they get the good first. It also depends on the subject - if they’re on the right track and your suggestion leads to better results, that’s not as negative as telling someone they’re doing something incorrectly and offering a different way.
In the end, how you say things is just as important as what is said.
Have a great day :)
Thank you! You too 😊
Are you open to some additional thoughts / feedback on feedback / constructive criticism?
I am! Thank you for asking :)
Ive gotten a lot of assumptions about what I meant and that’s a bit frustrating but I really value honest sincere dialogue, if you have thoughts you think would be worth sharing I’d love to hear them my friend!
I thought I had hit reply on your other comment going into more detail (whoops!).
Like I did in this example, ask if people are open to feedback (if you’re the one giving it).
Often when I am training groups on how to work together, I always try and frame feedback as a gift.
If someone is giving you feedback, they are genuinely trying to help you grow - and that’s a gift. The issue here though, is not everyone is a good gift giver - and we can’t control that.
What we do have control over is how we recieve gifts - often all you need to do is say thank you. Don’t explain why you’re not going to use this feedback (if you plan not to incorporate it). Other than clarifying the feedback to better understand how to incorporate it, saying thank you is the best way to go about it.
As far as delivering feedback I always say “if you can choose to be anything in this world why choose anything other than kind.”
It is important to state that “being kind” doesn’t mean not having the difficult conversations or delivering difficult feedback - you can still do that without being cruel. Being assertive isn’t being aggressive.
A bit rambly but if you’re ever working with folx on delivering feedback, I’ve found that presenting these frameworks with it ste super helpful
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Okay I agree, so let’s start from Linux related any post, tell them if somebody asks a problem don’t tell them just install mint , or how one is crazy because they are facing the problems in Linux or if you are not using Linux what idiot are you. I stopped participating because
- Linux dude bros are just idiots troubling me
- I can’t find content which is though not niche is just is plain not news or Linux
- It’s very confusing to use fedverse as I don’t know of i can go all subs via my boost app or do i need something else , if so where to access them.
So let’s make it ACCESSIBLE, NON DERAGORTY FOR ANON LINUX USERS ALSO
I’ll add: “be supportive and helpful if you can, and just shut up if you can’t”.
Fediverse is sometimes suffering from the same kind of people that Linux has - “oh you have a problem? Well, here’s the GitHub repo and a project Wiki, figure it out”.
Yeah, if I don’t have the answer I usually just stop in to say I hope someone more knowledgeable can chime in and wish them luck.
That way the post at least gets a little engagement for visibility. But the “rtfm” attitude, while understandable, can be really miserable to be met with when you’re out of your depth doing your best to learn about something new and need some help from another actual human.
We all begrudge the automated phone systems that try to reduce the need for human beings by helping people with simple problems, and that approach to helping people exists for good reason but it does feel like sometimes we’re too eager to leave people to figure things out by themselves just because it’s a lot of work to actually help them, human to human. None of us enjoy being treated that way when we need help.
RTFM is always a good strategy, the manual/wiki/source code will almost always have more info than a comment can reasonably contain.
Yeah, I can clearly see the 40 year old finance analyst doing a deep-dive on the intricacies of the Linux Kernel because he can’t connect his WiFi.
This is exactly what I mean. You people are so disconnected from reality you’re doing more harm than good to your own cause.
I utterly disagree. For most people, the manual, wiki, or source code is undecipherable gibberish. For many others, it’s an investment of time they may or may not have. Even I, a seasoned tech vet, sometimes just want to have something work without having to sit down for hours to make it work. If I have a problem, I reach out to the community to see if someone else has had the problem I have had so I can benefit from their hours of labour to find the thing that fixes the problem. Your RTFM is just noise to their signal, which I could definitely do without. Respectfully, in the theme of the post we’re replying to. ;)
There was a movement in the blogging community ~15 years ago to leave positive comments on posts you like. It was an approach to conquer negative comments and a general destructive nature of online conversations. I still do it to this day. If I really like something or appreciate someone’s work, I leave a nice comment.
A nice comment is worth more than 1000 upvotes, emotionally.
Oh neat, being younger there’s a lot of how folks approached the web in its earlier years that I don’t have any experience with, and think there’s a lot to learn from
I love that!
Speaking past each other is IMO the biggest source of friction and division on the fediverse.
So I can’t be myself?
No. You can go to hell!
No. But you can work on yourself to become a nicer, better person and we will support you all the way. Then, you will be allow to be yourself.
With love,
PseudoPete, we know you’re a big softie inside.
On the one hand, yes, yes, yes, absolutely.
On the other hand, way too often people are absolutely vile here and nobody sticks up for themselves or for others. Really a shame that r-word-it bullshit behavior is often times totally accepted and approved and even rewarded here.
Highly regarded behavior has been an internet staple for decades
Sometimes being kind doesn’t necessarily mean being nice.
What do you mean? To me the two are synonymous
It’s saying sometimes people need to hear something that will hurt them in order to get better. Which is true but a lot of people take that as a green light to be an asshole when they find someone who is “wrong”.
Also a lot of people do not consider they could be on the wrong or that other person can have a total different valid definition of what’s right. And just take this “I’m obviously on the right so I can be an as*****” approach.
There’s regional and cultural differences, famously brusque NYC and easy going west coast in particular.
Lmao not really. Coastal people get along fine
Not that they don’t get along, just that there is a difference in normal regionally.
When I see small, I see potential. More people know each other which fosters genuine relationships and understanding, ingredients missing from the toxic environments of the big social networks.
My ex used to call me a very small dude with a big city attitude. She didn’t mean it as a compliment, but I took it as one.
The fediverse is just a beautiful place to be you. It feels calm, relaxed, intellectual and full of supportive people. It’s a refreshiong alternative to the sprawling and sometimes impersonal nature of vast social networks.
One thing we should all agree on, we all have a role to play in shaping the culture of this space.
What the hell does that even mean
The thing that I appreciated most about Lemmy and my transition from Reddit is how cordial everyone has been. Even if a comment is taken out of context, people tend not to jump down each others throat and assume the worst, or make bad faith arguments full of fallacies. I’ve had legitimate back and forths with people, something that basically never happens on Reddit.
I fuckin love the hear that, I hope we can foster even more of that. It can be so hard online but I really think it’s worth it. This space is only as good and as worthwhile as we make it ❤️
Are you even reading the comments on this thread LMAO 🤣
This place is becoming very Reddit, if you post anything that deviates from someone’s beliefs they call you names and insult your intelligence. So many people can’t have a debate or discussion without jumping to personal attacks and hate. It’s really disheartening. I love political debate but there’s no such thing anymore, only name calling
Its definitely rough, I can understand why. I live in the US and as a queer person whose loved ones are almost all minorities the outlook is feeling pretty bleak, but its definitely frustrating that it feels like even slightly different left wing ideas, or thoughts on what we do about our problems can spawn flamewars.
Literally with people you’re in the exact same camp with :/ I’m also big on political debate, I think democracy can’t function unless people can discuss with eachother what problems we have and what we think we should do about them. (And yes, I know we increasingly may not have much of democracy here in the US. I still think my statement is true of how democracy functions in general)
I think it’s really valuable to learn how people arive at worldviews other than mine.
Yeah. So much of our social media is structured to reinforce being combative. Even the upvote/downvote feature of Reddit/Lemmy etc has this effect of rewarding performativity over substance. People start competing for points and start to interpret high point totals as the equivalent of winning an argument or saying something of substance.
Since it’s a lot easier to get upvotes if you’re pithy or snarky or unserious the whole mechanism that underpins this tech tilts people toward simplistic and aggressive rhetoric.
I don’t want to get too “the medium is the message” here and complexity in political discussions (or any discussions really) have been decreasing generation over generation - so it’s not just a social media problem. But social media seems to have broken so many of the traditional guardrails we’ve had against demagoguery. It’s going to take a lot to unwind it.
I agree. You can get a lot of positive reinforcement from sincere positive engagement (this post gave me lots, lol 😅) but it’s exhausting work compared to just making a snide jab. And that really does profoundly shape peoples behavior over time.
I’m a BIG believer in the idea that the medium makes the message, and how we design the mechanics of this space shapes how we behave. Erin kissane has talked about that some in her work studying the fediverse and it’s really stuck with me.
Report it - people jumping straight to insults are trying to shut discussion down which really isn’t acceptable.
Then the moderator would ban you because the mod agrees with the other person. I have seen it happen. (Not to me luckily, but I’ve got a post deleted and the post insulting me was upvoted by the same mod who deleted my post).
And not fron small communities, some of the bigger here on Lemmy.
Moderation is a bit lacking. Which is understandable as few people want to invest time in moderating.
Spez had his gestapo admins ban a bunch of people after Elon had a fit so you’re getting a lot of the terminally online types coming here. My suggestion is just don’t give them any attention and they’ll eventually give up. I was semi active in a few lefty subs and holy shit you could smell some of the people there just from their comments.
Let’s be honest Lemmy has been that way since it started
Doing a quick look through your comment history paints the picture that you’re likely the issue since your responses are often vaguely or overtly aggressive. Snide and snark.
Weird, I don’t see anything differing from the norm here
There it is. And that’s the weirdest, most volatile group, the ones that search through your comment history so they can find ammo for personal attacks. That’s so so weird, I have never ever looked through anyone’s comment history, if you’re an asshole i generally move on. Going into a strangers history to search for dirt is really cringe and kind of speaks to your priorities in life
I wasn’t looking for dirt, I was genuinely curious as to why you were having that experience. I’m not attacking you, just giving you my opinion which is ironic… Of course self reflection isn’t for everyone and it’s often easier to assume our problems are all external, but in reality it’s usually a bit of both. Anyway, I hope your experience here gets better.
But if someone didn’t search your comment history, they wouldn’t know from context, that you seem to enjoy telling others what they should and shouldn’t be posting and judging them for being obnoxious and insulting while doing exactly that elsewhere.
Funny you complain about me trying to police what people post, while you report me and my comment to silence me
I didn’t report you bud. Is it possible that maybe you’re just insufferable enough to annoy several people at once?
Following the premise of the thread: Not even once
You sound exactly like the kind of person I want in my community: [email protected]
Check the sidebar to see if it suits you too!
At least we don’t have karma here, that would make it so much worse
Honestly I’d expect nothing less. Almost everyone here is a Reddit refuge. We’d need a solid balance of different internet groups to not feel like Reddit. Tumblr, 4chan, Instagram, Twitch chat… for better or worse all have a very different feel from one another.
With the aggravated issue of moderators being far less ““professional”” here than in Reddit. At least in some big reddit communities there was a big admin team that tried to keep things more or less professional (not that they would always achieved that but they tried). Here mod teams are very small and mods mostly just got their position by just being here first, so I have found out a lot of very biased moderation and mods just using mod tools and position of authority to defend their own particular opinions.
If you are debating something with a moderator alt account, or with a moderator friend you are in for some unfairness going your way. At least that have been my experience trying to debate even very small deviations from a Community main political stance.
I honestly feel like I can do better in this area. Thanks for the post. Gives me something to think about.
The thing in this post about curiosity isn’t just a lemmy/online thing.
The vast majority of people are mainly interested in themselves. Like - if you have trouble on dates, making friends, getting along at work, anything to do with people in general - approaching them with a sense of sincere curiosity will completely change things overnight.
Get people to talk about themselves, be supportive in your discussions with them, and shut the fuck up wherever possible and suddenly you’re interesting, a good person, kind, whatever - traits you’ve done exactly fuck all to demonstrate, but that people will swear are true because you seem interested in them.
It’s fucking bonkers but it’s true. Curiosity can change your world.
Active listening is a powerful skill!
Improvisational Comedy/Theater is the study of how comedy and theater can be produced out of thin air by putting people on stage who are good at active listening to each other. It is shockingly beautiful to behold when you see it click live.
“Be curious, not judgemental.” - Ted Lasso (via Walt Whitman)
The only humane, sensible and practical definition of intelligence that actually gets you anywhere productive is defining intelligence as a practiced and maintained sense of curiosity about the world around you, especially the world you know little of.
For example, Trump is a fucking idiot, because he never does this ever and neither do people who worship him.
