That’s quite fair and nuanced. I’m not 100% on what you said but I think your views are well supported.

I think we differ in that you’re mentioning things that are likely to be successful in current society. Which is probably going to be the main factor in short term sexual relationships.

I’m looking at it from the perspective of qualities of a good sexual partner which is going to be more important in long term relationships for most people.

I think both views are important. I appreciate the discussion.

I understand that people in “casual” settings don’t generally understand kink, but the sub is the one with actual power in the dynamic and has to frame the encounter. Whereas most doms are pretty flexible in what tools is techniques they’re willing to engage in, it’s the sub’s boundaries that generally frame the encounter. Especially in “casual” scenes where it’s more likely that none of the sub’s asks are out of bounds for the dom.

Kink is about exploring fetishes in a safe way that’s enjoyable to all participants. This type of “rough sex” often including breath play isn’t as casual as most participants believe. If you’re a sub and that’s your fetish then it’s best for everyone involved to get more serious about Safe Sane Consensual sex.

It’s the same problem as 50 shades of grey where someone with a Dom/sub fetish engages in dangerously unsafe and non-consensual sex but it’s “sexy” coded in the movie. In real life the kind of guy that would break past all your boundaries and do perform violent sex acts whether you wanted it not is a violent, dangerous person. In an SSC setting, these encounters are negotiated ahead of time (and more subtly during the scene), openly and without an unbalanced power dynamic.

!bdsm@lemmynsfw.com was supposed to be that, if you read the stickied posts it’s still supposed to be that. But it’s mostly porn atm.

I haven’t found an active kink community in the Lemmyverse, but I haven’t looked very hard.

From personal experience in casual settings it’s femme/sub coded people that tend to oppose enthusiastic consent. The idea of “agreeing” to various acts doesn’t feel “subby” enough.

I suspect the casual femme/sub role is mentally coded the same was bodice rippers/literary smut content is where a strong masc/dom appears and coercively satisfies all the femme/subs desires without real communication occurring freeing the femme/sub from the “shame” of accepting and expressing their femme/sub desires.

I think it would be, to me, difficult for the concept of enthusiastic consent to come from just one side of the equation. Both partners have to find it sexy for it to be sexy. It needs to enter our sexual zeitgeist, likely through advocacy and proper sexual education.

I have a hard time understanding how to people asking for what they want and expressing what they’d like to do could possibly be unsexy to anyone. Like I’m watching everyone get off and have their sexual needs validated and acted on. Non enthusiastic consent sex is SOMETIMES hot like the movies where two people are on the same wavelength and effortlessly act on eachothers desires. MOST of the time it’s awkward lack of communication leading to uncomfortable positions and the partners ESPECIALLY the femme/sub role having ALMOST what they want, getting CLOSE to amazing orgasm(s), but through lack of communication not really getting there, or settling for less.

Ironically the people who most consistently have “sexy hot movie sex” without having to talk are people who have been having enthusiastic consent sex for a few weeks or months and are playing out a scene they both understand.

Whew, thinking all this out is making me feel some kind of ways!

Enthusiastic consent is so sexy! I also love open scene planning beforehand for kinkier sex so that everyone gets what they want out of it and avoid things they don’t want.

A lot of people still find both unsexy and think sex should both be purely spontaneous AND meet all their kinks somehow.

“do what you want to me” is my least favourite dirty talk. The base idea is that we both currently WANT to do the same dirty rough sex but for some reason we’re not doing it. What makes her think he’s NOT doing what he wants right now? What if he’s a for fetishist and wants to put her foot in his mouth and jerk off? What if he just wants her to eat his ass?

Clearly “do what you want to me” doesn’t mean do what you want to me. “do what you want to me” means “I have a specific type of rough sex in mind but I’m not able to express my desires clearly, so I’ve projected them into my partner and I’ve made it their responsibility to understand me and do the right type of sex stuff to me”

I know this is basically an unhinged response to a greentext but I’ve had so many bad experiences with that specific line. Is wanting clear communication before and during sex about the sex we’re about to perform too much to ask for?

He changed his legal name to “Nazi Apologist”, unfortunately.

LMFAO I’ve got you tagged as “Nazi apologist” ever since the thread where you were defending Musk and his Nazi salutes and his Nazi cars.

Love to see that the “straw that broke the Nazi apologists back” was about opposing complicity in genocide!

Good riddance. You shouldn’t just leave this community, leave Lemmy altogether!

47% of Americans today APPROVE of what Trump is doing. You really think he’s going to have a hard time finding a couple thousand people to do his most heinous stuff? You’re going to convince people to say no?

Be real.

https://www.realclearpolling.com/polls/approval/donald-trump/approval-rating

I get every box every time! Bingo is easy!!

1kN is equivalent to lifting 100kg… 220lb for our imperial friends… I don’t think I could put that much force on a plate and bowl I was trying not to break

I read the article, I saw the interview. He literally said “was there any love?.. Like there was in Germany”

What I skipped is only a description of what Trump thinks love is (extra piece of bread and a wink) and that hamas didn’t do it. The two clauses are literally directly connected.

I know it’s hard to believe that’s what he said. Unfortunately you’ll have to accept it to deal with the modern reality.

I knew this thread would be FILLED with Trump apologist. He literally said “was there any love?.. Like there was in Germany”

It’s not taking it too far. It’s what he said. We don’t need to figure out if he meant a prison guard or Germans in general. We don’t need to excuse what he meant by adding precision he didn’t add. According to Trump there was love for Jews in Nazi Germany.

I’m so glad to see at least a few people resisting the sanewashing.

We’re not trying to boycott EVERY corporations. We’re voting with our wallets for the lesser evil the same way we vote at the ballots for the lesser evil.

That’s an uneducated take. The amount of goods and services required by a population as a whole isn’t affected by boycotts. What one company loses others will replace since they have a profit motive to do so. This requires them to hire additional labour which can easily come from what labour boycotted companies lay off.

That’s assuming a boycott has such a large impact as to require a workforce adjustment which is basically a fantasy scenario in most cases.

Stop convincing people into more apathy than is already plaguing us.

That’s the thing though, there is nowhere to go. You can’t run away from bombing because you don’t know where the next one will fall. You’re just as likely to run to the next target as away from it.

You just get to sit there, hoping that if you don’t survive it’s because you got killed instantly instead of being trapped and crushed by rubble waiting until you dehydrate to death over a few days.

I fucking love incels. Like they’ve accomplished nothing, have nothing to offer, yet FIRMLY BELIEVE they deserve the best.

Like what’s the other side get out of this deal? An unemployed sweaty basement dweller with a collection of nude anime figurines?

That’s not how it works. If the conservatives can’t get a majority, the liberals can form a minority government with the NDP or greens. This is what our government currently looks like and it got us dental healthcare. Minority governments can be very effective at creating social change, especially when most Canadians have to be dragged kicking and screaming into policies that benefit them.

Singh really shat the bed in the past few months. Attacking the prime minister when we’re under attack from the US? That kind of infighting in the face of adversity is an ugly look. It’s really too bad because Singh made some amazing progress in social democracy and social welfare, he was a tough negotiator and an excellent strategist for years. He picked a bad time to lose the ball. They need a new leader, it’s too bad they’re going to lose a fuck ton of seats to get there.

My NDP candidate is amazing, I hope they win.

Brain damage leads to conservative values. That should be pretty obvious by now. That’s why conservative leaders are against environmental and consumer regulations. More lead, more PFAS, more conservatives.