If you’re not middle aged, pick a younger age, IDK
“Oh shit I’m a girl?”
Like, you were completely unaware of it at that point, or you just didn’t think it would happen?
I knew something was wrong but I didn’t put the dots together until my early 20s. I’d definitely had “I wanna be a girl” thoughts as a kid/teen but wasn’t super aware that being trans was a thing so shoved them to the back of my brain and allowed myself to just kinda feel broken instead.
“I knew it, when do I get to start hormone therapy?”
Your dog is awesome.
Your job is pretty cool. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet, but I’ll keep that on my radar.
Your beard and moustache are epic. Shame about the hair, but I knew that was coming.
Congrats on getting married, can’t wait to meet her.
Donald Trump? Twice? Really? And they do what? Fuck, man…fuck.
“They use computers to do what??? Shit, guess I’ll become a woodworker then.”
Haha, I bought a lot of second-hand wood working tools last week. Looking forward to getting into it again. It’s certainly a grounding practice in a world gone mad.
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He’d be disappointed that he doesn’t end up doing anything epic and world-changing, but then he’d immediately be relieved that he’s mostly got shit figured out. Wife, home, job, driving, cooking, all the basic stuff.
Then he’d realize he only thought he needed to do something epic because he couldn’t picture himself having those basic things figured out. This would take him a few minutes to process, so he wouldn’t say anything.
“Whoa. You actually talk to and get along with Dad? I can’t stand him. He’s such a huge dick.”
Yeah. Your going to call him that to his face at some point in a few years. It goes over better than you’d expect.
That sounds like an interesting story! Up for hearing it if you wanna share. Either way, glad it worked out ok :)
The short version is that my father was both a victim and perpetrator of the cycle of abuse. When I was a kid, he was an angry man who would often explode in a violent rage. I ran away from home when I graduated from high school because I hated him and didn’t want to be around him anymore.
Eventually I learned that he wasn’t a bad person at his core. He genuinely wanted to do the right thing. He never had much of a chance. His own father destroyed him. Some of the stories he told me about his dad, when I was a kid, are horrible and sad. I think realizing that he was just a very broken man made it easier to forgive him.
We’ve talked about it a lot over the years. He is genuinely sorry for the way he treated me and my siblings and has lots of regrets. He’s not perfect but he is a good “Papa” to my kids and we get along pretty well nowadays.
I am more like my dad than my 19 year old self probably thought I would ever be. But I managed to mostly hang on to the good parts and get rid of the bad ones. My kids will never learn to fear me the way I feared my dad.
P.S. The time I called him a dick to his face.
I was in my mid 20’s. I called him on the phone to confront him about something he had done. All of a sudden, he blurts out, “why don’t any of my kids want anything to do with me?” At this point, I was very angry with him and didn’t care what his response was. I said, “Dad, we want to have a relationship with you but you make it really hard when you’re being a dick all the time.”
When I was a kid I would have paid dearly for saying something like that to him. The beating would have been fierce and merciless. When I said that he kind of just stopped and I could tell he was considering what I had said. I don’t know why but I think he actually took it to heart.
That’s sad that you all had to deal with it, but awesome that you managed to break out of that cycle of abuse. Sounds almost a bit collaborative over the long run… Thanks for sharing!
“Fuckyeah!”
Then I’d elaborate on what it took to get here.
“Shit…”
But at least Mia hasn’t been part of the equation for decades.
“Phew”
Career? (Not knowing about AI) Oh wow interesting!
Life? (Not knowing about cost of living) Dude wtf!
19 year old me was dirt poor and thought everything was expensive. Now I spend more on my mortgage than he made in a month. 🥲
My 19 year old self would be sad and hopefully take a different path.
She would be absolutely stunned. Probably wouldn’t believe me. At 43 I’m married to the guy I was dating at 19. At 19 I had dropped out of college and thought I wanted to be an artist; at 43 I’m already retired from a successful career in academic research. At 19 I had no thoughts about politics or the world as a whole (9/11 hadn’t happened yet); at 43 I’m pretty informed and opinionated. And she’d probably be surprised how much I’m into the outdoors, healthy living, and weightlifting, given that she had negative interest in those things. The rest is pretty consistent - e.g., I’ve always loved music from the '60s, fun nail polish, scifi, swimming, and handmade art (drawing, beading, etc).
Fuck yeah. Sounds like a great trajectory!
I mean the math checks out, but holy crap, you’re 43, but at 19 ‘9/11 hadn’t happened yet…’
I was trying to get into university in America, failed and got into one in Japan two years ago, so probably this:
World’s falling apart, huh? Really dodged a bullet there. Also can’t wait to be quadlingual.
… oh
Younger me was really depressed, like clinically and so caught up in himself that I think he’d hear me, but not actually listen to what I’d have to say. And I don’t totally blame him, he was very confused and hadn’t really figured himself out yet.
I think he’d be surprised but also unhappy with the direction of my life… But he’d be unhappy no matter what since he still hadn’t figured out how to beat his depression and make his own happiness.
Plus he’s not only stubborn but also secretly a bit arrogant and needs to fall on his face a lot to learn lessons. His failures will be his greatest teachers. The fact that he even can fail will be very hard to accept but very needed as well.
So overall, I don’t expect his reaction would be great. But I also can’t see myself wanting to give him any advice nor do I really care what he would think… Actually I would tell him to lift with his knees and not his back more, properly show him how to do it too.
Ooh yeah… I as lucky enough to have a parent with back pain, so paid attention early on how to avoid it. Still got a sore back though 🥲
Mine would say: What? You’re working with finance people? WTF? Traitor!
But if I explained it a bit more, I reckon they’d be pretty into it, and kind of impressed.
Actual answer: they would probably be surprised by how fat I am. I was underweight at that point in my life and now am over and generally less fit (multiple broken bones and surgery will do that). They would be surprised I had any interest in Japan, let alone have been living there for a decade. They would kinda get it though; 19-year-old me was still on the fence about very rural or very urban life. Turns out middle-aged me would get both in one country. Not really playing any music would surprise then-me as well, though it has been something I’ve slightly dipped my toe back into, though they’d probably like that I played for thousands a handful of times and have credits on a few albums. That I went into homesteading would also surprise him to some degree, coming out as some combination of my grandfather and, to a lesser extent, my uncle who fucked off.
Former post: To avoid this and probably be generally better, I’d explain the current situation and say to be more active in government and vote more, but I was working at times 2-3 jobs and surviving off of dollar store boxed mashed potatoes at one point and, I forget whether 19 or 20, living out of my car surviving on wonderbread factor outlet leavings and peanut butter in addition to what my restaurant job would give.
The question is not “what advice would you give them?”, but “What would they think of your current self?”
They would tell me to read better, apparently. I had meant to do a two-birds-one-stone sort of approach but swapped your final ‘they’ with a ‘you’. Oopsie.
Nice recovery 😂
“Non-bina-what? Don’t know about it. But let’s focus on the real information please. We don’t play League of Legends anymore? What do we play with our friends then? … we left our friends because they were idiots? WHAT? HOW?”
Oof. There are some feels there.
My 19yo self would be very excited to see the enby hottie I’ve become, wholly unsurprised to learn that I’m still with the partners I was at the time, and very worried about what could have happened to destroy my faith in singularitarianism.
I’d have to go back to 10yo me to find an egg. Parents divorced the year before, and I was still devouring the local library for fun because we didn’t have internet yet. Little-Me would have incessant questions I wouldn’t be able to answer without violating the trans prime directive, but I do deeply wish I could have had just one enby role model back then so I wouldn’t have had to spend my first puberty in denial instead of on puberty blockers.
