Fortunately not as serious as other comments. For context, I have autism, and I frequently stim by making random noises.

One day I was at a global online meeting with very important people. I thought I was muted, so I said “MEOW”.

Suddenly everybody goes quiet and somebody says “did anybody say ‘meow’?”

I quickly turned off my microphone, and fortunately nobody mentioned that again.

The big annual release was coming soon and I was leading a small group of testers with after hours testing of a feature that was my responsibility to cover. It was already around 8pm and we’d been working for hours. Someone came and informed us that a specific device was incorrectly configured, thus invalidating all of the tests we’d run thus far. It was mine. What an asshole.

I told everyone to give me their devices and go home. I stayed until 2-3am running all of the tests myself. My manager video called me a couple of times and he had a good sense of humor about it, I think because I took responsibility for it and didn’t burden others with my mistake. I really felt terrible but after I got the report in before the deadline later that morning, no one ever gave me a hard time about it and it just was like it never happened.

Not trying to deflect or make excuses and owning a mistake is like a super power. An imprortant lesson that has basically never failed me when I’ve screwed up at work.

Not physically destructive but someone wrote a script that was supposed to clean up unused phone extensions and decided to run it in production without testing it. It wiped out all the phones.

We probably spent a week or two fixing and testing thousands of phones and the person who ran the unvetted script was fired, but nothing was physically destroyed.

Added a bug that would delete data from a form but only when they reopened it and didn’t paginate all the way through to the end of the form. Took ages to discover and a big job to review all the potentially missing data.

Disabled the incorrect password so that it would allow login no matter what password you use. (Original system wasn’t mine and I completely agree with “don’t roll your own security”).

At an online gaming company back in the late 90s, I deleted a file folder whose name was my first name. I had been there about a month and figured I must have created that folder for some dumb reason while I was ramping up. Turned out it was created by a previous software dev who happened to have the same first name as me, and it contained the production software. Essentially I blew away a good part of the external website.

Fortunately somebody found another copy and restored everything, named it something sane and put it in a sane place with access control.

Admittedly it was sloppy of me to delete a folder without at least looking inside it, but I really didn’t feel too bad about it because standards at this place were so low - they had no concept of source control, dev/test/prod environments, or much else. Everything they did was cowboy.

I did the very classic “sw t al v 320” which effectively isolated an entire floor.

Decade or so ago, logging into a work computer and suddenly the screen is just tiled with the word “virus”, but a bit janky looking like it was a screenshot of the word that was enlarged and tiled with no thought to whether the right side of the image lined up with the left and such - it was a very 90s cheesy movie like depiction of what happens to your comp when you get a virus, like you’d expect the next scene to be some shady hacker on the other end exclaiming “I’m in!”

Then again, I don’t know jack fuck about viruses, and the machine is behaving super weird, so I unplugged the internet cable from the back, and called my manager over. He had a similar “…is this for fuckin real?” reaction that I did. Mind you, this is a hospital, so if one of our computers is fucked, this is a big deal for potentially leaking patient info, so even though it had that kind of slapstick appearance, no one was fucking around with it: so, manager pushed it up the chain, and after a few mins a fucking SWAT team of IT guys comes in and starts doing their own assessment.

After some deliberation, they start troubleshooting - keystrokes and whatnot don’t seem to be responsive. One of them eventually reaches back behind the monitor and ‘poof’ the screen pops back to the normal login screen.

So, that facility had a fancy custom login screen, which was some generic desktop background type scenery and a wall of text that none of us ever put any thought into. One of the snipits on that wall of text was instructions on what to do if you suspect your machine has virus (which was basically what I did - leave it running, unplug it from the internet, and call IT… hooray, I’m not completely stupid!). What ended up being the cause of the “virus” tiling was the fucking VGA cable slowing worming its way out of the back of the monitor - when I got to it, that thing was hanging on by a thread, and touching the desk it was on was just enough of a bump to make it cross that line between having enough of a connection to do its job vs not. That micrometer of pull of on that cable wasn’t enough to completely cut its signal, but it wasn’t enough to produce a normal display either: it just picked a random spot on the screen, and filled the monitor with that repeating image. The spot it just happened to do this to was the word “virus” in the custom login text explaining what to do if you think you have a virus, lol.

TLDR, got my management chain from my dept to the top dogs running the hospital, and the entire fucking IT department to swarm to my unit over a potential data breach that ended up being a wiggly VGA cable.

Whoops.

I was working on prescribed fire as in controlled wildfire to support ecosystem function. The wind changed in expectedly. The fire jumped containment. We switch into actual firefighting mode for a solid 1/2 hour. Then the wind switches back to predictions. Problem solved. Mop up of the slopover still takes hours and it gets dark.

As we get back to the truck, keys are dropped and kicked in an attempt to catch them. There is tall grass everywhere. We search for an hour in the dark after an exhausting day for our only way to go home. Keys are found. We work at dawn the next day. Not my worst day in the office, just the least predictable.

Mid '90s, was doing something on the company’s NT 4.0 PDC. The thing about NT 4.0, when the screen locked it would show the “Press Ctrl-Alt-Del to log in” screen, but if you hit a key or moved the mouse quick enough it wouldn’t actually lock and wake up again. So, as I’m sitting there waiting for the server to do something the login screen shows up. I’m in the zone, so I lightning quick give it the three-finger salute, type in the password (usa1, security wasn’t super-high) and hit enter. Another thing about NT 4.0, if you hit Ctrl-Alt-Del when the machine was not locked you’d get a box similar to XP’s, with options to lock the computer, log off, shut down, etc. Now, you’ll notice one of the options, shut down, starts with the letter “S”. And the key to press to select that option is also “S”. And you’ll further notice that the password I typed in also has an “S”. But all is good, it asks you to confirm before it actually shuts down, right? Except the shortcut to accept that option is Enter, which I hit after entering the password. So yeah, I shut down the company’s PDC. Fortunately it was late in the day and most people had already left so the impact was minor. But I was doing some pants crapping for about five minutes while the machine came back up.

Spot welded a screwdriver to the metal sidewall when I slipped trying to discharge a capacitor. At least I thought to wear gloves.

Worked in an ESA lab with cleanroom. My work had to do with plants, their composition etc.

Naturally I had to dry some plants before throwing them into the analyser, but my designated oven was occupied.

Fear not, I thought, there is another oven over there. I put my samples in and call it a day.

Come over the next day, kinda late, lab chief looks at me and is only like “ummm, you should head over to the offices and see big boss”…go over, boss guy very angry. Turns out, the other oven in the lab was reserved for ExoMars parts. Like, they disinfect the shit out of it for weeks, like, take it apart, haul every screw to the cleanroom, clean it, autoclave it, clean it again and repeat that a billion times over, certify it and clean it again. So I kinda destroyed the work of months, maybe I alone was responsible for one of the many launch delays (probably not, but I’ve never been told).

Arrogant young me in my first job basically just was like “maybe put a sign on it next time, lol”, boss guy pauses and says “maybe you’re right”. So we reclean the shit out of the oven and put a sign on it. My “punishment” was to spend a lot of time in the clean room to clean some ExoMars parts. I thought “cool, stuff I had in my hands is going to land on Mars”.

Fast forward some years, Russia invades Ukraine, the pipes I cleaned will never go to Mars 😢.

Not at work but in High School.

It was the 90s and computers at school had just become a thing. Our school offered a typing class which seemed pretty chill so I signed up for that. I think I was the only guy in the class.

Anyway, I started talking to this girl who sat across from me and we ended up just sending emails back and forth to each other all through class, using our school emails. This went on for weeks. The messages started to get kinda flirty and then eventually they got more than flirty.

So I’m sitting in another class one day, maths or something, and a teacher comes in and asks if I can go with her. She takes me to the principle’s office and sits me down. In walks the principle with typing girl and she sits her down next to me. The principle then dumps a massive pile of paper on the desk and asks us to explain… we of course have no idea what she’s talking about. I pick up a sheet and start reading and my heart drops. It’s our entire email chain, weeks of cringe and filth. They must have been monitoring our emails, right? Wrong.

So we get a bollocking, threatened with suspension, the whole deal, but it wasn’t until we were sent on our way that we started to realise what had actually happened and the gravity of the situation. Over the next few hours some really weird shit started happening. I’d be walking through school and kids I didn’t even know would just start pointing at me, shouting out random things. Even my teachers were being super weird. Everything just felt really off and then my mate filled me in.

Now, to this day, I still don’t know how this happened. I genuinely think that our school email system was set up wrong but somehow, when replying to one of typing girl’s messages, I had forwarded our whole email chain to every person at our school. Every kid. Every teacher. Thousands of them.

It was humiliating.

I was forever known as that guy. Typing girl never talked to me again.

TLDR: I accidentally forwarded weeks worth of dirty emails to our entire school and held on to my virginity.

First thing that comes to mind is driving semi in Saskatchewan once I came across an older slower moving car (a Chrysler K car) full of people on the highway. I pulled out to pass them, and as I was passing the car I saw in the mirror that they started to wander into my lane. I ended up putting half the truck into the ditch to avoid them getting under my trailer. I had 9 tires on the grass before they realized what they were doing and swerved back into their lane. They had wandered far enough over that they were completely in the oncoming lane at that point, leaving me nothing but shoulder and ditch.

I was fully loaded (around 80,000 lbs) If I hadn’t watched my mirrors as closely as I did and they got under my trailer they would have been nothing but a smear on the road.

Edit: Another time When I was 18 I was working at the Wpg international airport. A baby had died in a house fire up north and it was sent down to Winnipeg for an autopsy. I guess the people working up there had run out of cargo tags so they had put a regular baggage tag on the bag the body was in, and neglected to tell anyone. My job was to unload aircraft, so seeing a regular baggage tag I just tossed it onto the cart and it went to where you pick up your luggage. It was there for about 40 minutes before an ambulance showed up asking for it, and none of us had any clue about it. Thankfully nobody snagged it because they would have been in for one hell of a surprise.

Tower cleared me to position and hold (back before it was called line up and wait), then cleared a 737 to land on the runway I was sitting on.

Now it was day VFR conditions and my little ship was painted bright red and white, I wasn’t exactly camouflaged, but I called the tower with my entire tail number and position. RALEIGH TOWER, NOVEMBER ONE TWO THREE ALPHA BRAVO HOLDING POSITION FIVE RIGHT.

Made a great lesson for my student, the tower WILL forget about you and clear a jet 500 times your mass to land on you.

I was asked to provide technical on-site support at an event, because I knew the underlying server system under the software that project management had found to run this customer event.

They had also hired a bunch of laptops with wifi and a router for this, which was rather expensive back then (you could have bought a small car for that rent fee alone!), so a lot was hanging on this to be a success.

Of course, I knew about nothing what this job was about until I sat in the car with the project manager on our way to the first event. My reaction was: But that software cannot do what you just told me! Oh shit, indeed.

When we arrived in the evening before the first event, the server, wifi, and one of the laptops was set up before anything else, and I went to work writing a rudimetary software from scratch that would do what the customer wanted, and finally hit the bed around sunrise.

The event was a big success in all venues on the trip. The customer was extremely happy with the acceptence of the setup by the audience and the results they got.