• TabbsTheBat (they/them)@pawb.social
    0·
    11 days ago

    Does “how do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized” count? It doesn’t exactly require advanced scientific knowledge or anything :p

  • solrize@lemmy.ml
    0·
    11 days ago

    Leonard Susskind, on seeing yet another one of Einstein’s predictions confirmed in an astronomy experiment: “They didn’t call him Einstein for nothing!”.

  • audaxdreik@pawb.socialEnglish
    0·
    11 days ago

    There are 10 kinds of people in this world.

    • Those that know binary.
    • Those that don’t.
    • And those that didn’t expect this joke to be in base 3.

    EDIT:

    A statistician, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting in a cafe watching the building across the street. 2 people enter the building. Some time later, 3 people come back out.

    • The statistician says, “Our initial count must’ve been off.”
    • The biologist replies, “I think they probably reproduced.”
    • The mathematician observes, “Now if exactly one person enters the building it will be empty.”
  • jet@hackertalks.comEnglish
    0·
    11 days ago

    What’s the difference between a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer?

    answer

    A Mechanical engineer builds weapons, a civil engineer builds targets.

    • Thrawn@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      0·
      10 days ago

      I always preferred this one in the format of

      Little Johnny drank

      But he said drink no more

      For what he thought was H2O

      Was H2SO4

  • ouRKaoS@lemmy.today
    0·
    11 days ago

    An infinite number of mathematitians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter beer, the fourth an eighth beer…

    The bartender cuts them off, puts 2 beers on the counter and says “Know your limits!”

    • brian@programming.dev
      0·
      9 days ago

      An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first mathematician orders a beer

      The second orders half a beer

      “I don’t serve half-beers” the bartender replies

      “Excuse me?” Asks mathematician #2

      “What kind of bar serves half-beers?” The bartender remarks. “That’s ridiculous.”

      “Oh c’mon” says mathematician #1 “do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along”

      “There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn’t serve you half a beer even if I wanted to.”

      “But that’s not a problem” mathematician #3 chimes in “at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-”

      “I know how limits work” interjects the bartender

      “Oh, alright then. I didn’t want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics”

      “Are you kidding me?” The bartender replies, “you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?”

      “HE’S ON TO US” mathematician #1 screeches

      Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade.

      The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. “FOOLS” it booms in unison, “I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA”

      The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. “But wait” he inturrupts, thinking fast, “if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!”

      The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. “My God, you’re right. We didn’t think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!” and with that, they vanish.

      A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. “How did you know that that would work?”

      “It’s simple really” the bartender says. “I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative.”

  • deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz
    0·
    11 days ago

    Three logicians walk into a bar. The barman asks if they all want a beer.

    The first says “I don’t know”, the second says “I don’t know”, the third says “yes”.

    Also, pretty much all of Futurama.

      • deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz
        0·
        10 days ago

        I needed it explained to me when I first heard it :-)

        I probably would have got it after a few more hours of processing… I hope.

        • deathmetal27@lemmy.worldOP
          0·
          10 days ago

          Explanation for anyone looking for one:

          The bar man asked them if “they all” want a beer.

          The first logician wanted one but didn’t know whether the other two wanted one each or not, so he said “I don’t know.”

          The second realised that the first one wanted a beer and he himself wanted a beer but he didn’t know about the third logician, so he said “I don’t know”.

          The third logician realised that both of the other logicians wanted a beer and he himself wanted a beer, so he said yes.

          If any one of them didn’t want a beer they would have immediately said no since logically the answer to the barman’s question “do you all want a beer?” Would have been no.

  • OfCourseNot@fedia.io
    0·
    10 days ago

    A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician are traveling in a train through Scotland when they see a sheep on a field. “Look! Scottish Sheep are black!” Says the biologist. “Well, at least some Scottish sheep are black” Says the physicist. The mathematician clears their throat and says “We know that there’s at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least half of it is black”