Why are we paying an obviously impaired stroke victim to do absolutely nothing?
Maybe the Republicans are saving him for a Presidential run, but he is a little young for that.
Robot wearing a human skin, FNAF was not supposed to be an instruction manual.
“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,” said the Kentucky Senator, presumably lost in thought at the magnitude of the Republicans’ defeat.
Absolutely vicious!
did he have a stroke?
More than likely, several. I had a couple myself and am not nearly as vegetative as Turtleboy. I am a turnip, mind you, but still a lot better.
I am a turnip, mind you, but still a lot better.
Username does not check out
Turnips may ride hogs!
Maybe he will be finally allowed to rot in peace?
no for real can they make his people prove he’s… not animatronic? like fuck
I hate to break it to you guys but it looks like he’s happily shitting his pants. He’ll die soon but someone is cleaning up his mess.
Hot stock tip: formaldehyde
He’s speechless after a bowel movement too the old cadaver.
Bro looks like someone destroyed his phylactery.
been calling him litch mcconnel for years
You gotta hand it to him for being consistent
My only legitimate lol today from this. Thanks onion!
*beaverton
Absolutely shameful he won’t give a statement on this. He now has a democrat coworker now in Alexander Hamilton or whatever the guy’s name was and this turtle man won’t comment on it?
So as it turns out McConnell is the senator for KENTUCKY, not Kansas. Doesn’t matter, he doesn’t know either.
You alright there mitch? Give us the thumbs up
He’s like some docile zombie. May he be experiencing hell in this state of living death.
I hope he’s miserable and in terrible pain. But I know that fucking over the dems would be his dying wish, no matter how morbid it went; hopefully they’ll let him die now but seeing how underwater the GOP is in the senate I wouldn’t hold my breath.
Unfortunately he probably has this puppetteering requested in his will just to have one last chance at fucking over Democrats. He’s that much of a spiteful POS
But I know that fucking over the dems would be his dying wish,
yep
Fuck, did they embalm him??
I want a confirmed heartbeat on that, I’ve seen 60s Disney land animatronics with more liveness!
This gif legit freaks me out. That weird perma-smile is just so uncanny valley, it’s creepy af.
I feel like they shape his mouth into a smile before going in public
The uncanny valley of likely a disease detection and avoidance system. In those pictures, he looks like he has significant brain damage. You’re supposed to feel some revulsion, to keep you safe.
Yeah, I read at one point that that is exactly the evolutionary purpose of uncanny valley. So you steer clear of people who seem almost human, but not quite right. Since they were generally sick in some fashion, like you said.
Now you know how the rest of the world feels about USian mandatory smiles in every human interaction.
Bro hates happiness 😭
““Happiness””
I got news, dude: all those waiters and clerks aren’t happy to see you. They’ll just be fired if they don’t smile.
Buddy I’m sorry to say but I think they might just not be happy to see you. The local grocer loves me :3
I’m not in the US, so I don’t have unreasonable expectations of customer service workers in the first place.
Gtfo with that noise. Intentional smiling is encouraged by zen teachers worldwide.
Why are you so butthurt about cheeriness?
I enjoy smiling. I enjoy being happy.
uSiAnS
Stop trying so hard, it’s so cringe
USian when they remembers what their country is called: “stop, it’s cringe”.
We know you’re lashing out because you powerless, it’s cute
CARRY ON brave warrior
Weird definition of “mandatory” you have
This Goa’uld needs a new host body
Indeed
Thanks, I Hate It
if terry schiavo had a back brace she would look like this
That’s the look of a man living life to the fullest
Living?
The Onion is just…good at this, aren’t they?
This is The Beaverton good sir.
The either has to be italicized or lowercase, and it’s such a little thing but it’s driving me slightly mad.
Because both The Onion and The Beaverton have ‘The’ in their titles, the italics is emphasizing the difference between them… Though I don’t know if that’s correct, and on reread, it does bug me too.
Might make you less mad to read the italics as emphasis. because they’re emphasizing just that word because, that’s the one word that needed to be changed to correct the mistake.
No no no, it’s like The Ohio State University
Screw that I’m rooting for An Ohio State University. Go Kent State Dodgers!
But that’s how everyone says it!
stop, please, I can’t
